Does Someone's Plans For Lottery Winnings Qualify As News?

I know it's news when the lottery gets big. I can remember back when Wisconsin first got the lottery (was it illegal before?), and the news would get all crazy when the jackpot got to a certain level. Probably $100,000,000. People would travel up to Fond du Lac to buy tickets on the Miracle Mile. In Jacksonville, a seedy convenience store is our miracle store, so that's where the news is parked, and where the lines are long. I suppose that is news. The speculative fantasies of what interviewed locals would do with their winnings, however: not news.

Why Would Governor Scott House State Troopers In His Home?

I saw an ad that contrasted Rick Scott's leadership to that of Bill Nelson. Compelling stuff, but I had to wonder why he's doing one of the activities mentioned: housing state troopers in his own home. The video shows Scott talking to 18 or 19 state troopers in his great hall. So what's the deal with having to share his space with law enforcement officers?

Simon and Garfunkel in Concert! Oh, wait, no

For a few minutes, I was all in. Even though I just saw Paul Simon on a TV show and he looked as old as dirt. Even though he didn't sound much better. Even though the only songs that really matter from Simon and/or Garfunkel are from 1970 or before. Even though the kids have basketball tryouts. I was going to get me two tickets to see Simon and Garfunkel at the Times Union Center.

Reolink Argus 2 For Jacksonville

I had to bite the bullet and order a security camera. No one had broken into my vehicle, and I actually leave it unlocked (though alarmed). I don't leave a key, garage door opener, or gun in the car, so someone burglarizing it will get some Burger King coupons and empty soda cans. Mainly, I wanted to have peace of mind that if someone did molest my vehicle, I'd be able to post a photo of that person on this website (and send it to my neighbors). Since my neighborhood had two vehicle break-ins over the summer, it seemed like a good time to get the camera. I chose the Reolink Argus 2, and it's been about what I expected: good but not great.

A Conversation With Clevon - Making Money Online

You want to make money online. We all do. If you can just record yourself getting hit in the junk by a cute kid standing with a baseball bat next to a kitten, people will share your awesome video, and then...nothing. No money, because you need subscribers, not just one shared video. Sure, you might get some subscribers who hope you'll continue your jackassery, but they'll mostly fall away when you don't have that next hilarious video. Or, you might think, "Hey, I could write this awesome blog about Jacksonville, and everyone will want to read what I have to say." Not even close. Some people will read it, but most will not. You can make a few bucks on Google ads, but it's not a living. So when Clevon, a local man with an idea about creating a unique website wanted to talk, we discussed the possibility of making money online. I figure since I gave him a lot of advice for free, I might as well pass some along to you.

Survey Says East Arlington is Blah

I was looking up something on Trulia when I found a new feature that might be useful to potential buyers in a neighborhood. It's called Neighborhood Features, and it's basically a survey taken by people who live in the area. Trulia also rates neighborhoods, which was useful back when we were looking, but this is more specific about certain aspects of an area that might interest potential buyers. Let's take a look at the East Arlington results, along with my perspective:

Getting The Constitution Back Into The Classroom

Originally written during Florida Primary Season 2018.

Political ads. Am I right? I can't keep track of who's endorsed which candidate. And I don't care all that much. I'd like to vote for any candidate worth less than a million dollars, but I'm not sure there are any available. Even if I voted for Mickey Mouse, I'd be voting for a Florida millionaire.

Rent A Middle-Aged Man In Jacksonville

Young people in Japan are renting men over 40 for $10 an hour. That's not a huge amount, but I could probably be rented for $15 an hour in cash. In Japan, younger people are renting these older men because the middle-aged man is supposed to have relevant life experiences that can help youngfolk figure it out. Let's say you want to rent me for a day. Maybe $100 for the day. I'll show up at your place and give you a piece of my mind.

The NextDoor Business Post Irony

I'm sure the whole point of NextDoor limiting business posts is because the app wants neighbors to pay for advertising. It makes some sense, too, since I have tried to create community-run websites, and it ends up being all work and no money unless it's monetized somehow. But NextDoor taking down a local woman's post about Halloween hats kind of backfired (initially).

YA, AR 7.0 Novel About Sports - Coming Soon

Apparently, there must not be a market for Accelerated Reader novels that are rated at the 7.0 or higher reading level, are about sports, and are in the middle school interest range. I am going to change this, once I get going on my book. I've got page one and an idea.

And Then Blackfinn Ameripub Packer Bar Closes

It looks like the best Packer bar in Jacksonville is no longer with us, and it seems to be more about the company than the Packers. From what I can tell, Blackfinn Ameripub has closed its Brookfield, WI, location, as well as one in Clinton Township. Both of those closings were during the summer of 2018, so the company is probably closing down operations all across the board.

Helicopters In The Air

Here's a good one to be filed under we should be told more by authorities. I was out for a walk with my daughter when we saw a couple of strange occurrences: a police squad car parked along the street that leads into our subdivision and a helicopter flying overhead with a search light. I told my daughter that the police seemed to be looking for someone. Not too long after that, some kid decided to climb up his fence right next to us and scare the living daylights out of both of us. Apparently, the six year-old wanted to escape his back yard, but we thought it might be this person of interest. Problem is, when I checked my neighborhood app later on, there's all kinds of accounts, making it all confusing. In this time, when communication is king, I wonder how someone could know so little about what's happening down the block.

Take 'Em Down JAX -- Hmm, What Could 'Em Be?

Upon hearing there was a Take 'Em Down rally in Jacksonville, I wondered at what all the 'Ems in Jax could possibly be. 'Em is short for Them, in case you weren't sure. In Jacksonville's case 'Em might be short for Confederate monuments, but there are so many other 'Ems. Let's consider what other 'Ems we could be attacking here.

Sticking with the Civil War theme, I'd say street signs and school names could be 'Em. Probably especially school names. Robert E. Lee Generals? This school is 65% African American. I mean, unless it's a belittling thing to Southern generals (like Indians/Warriors/Braves/Redskins), why in the world do we have that happening here? I could maybe see it if Lee was from Jacksonville. Robert E. Femoyer of Jacksonville received the Medal of Honor from the United States of America (WWII), and the name's still Robert E., in case you like that combination. According to my sources, we have at least one Femoyer left in town, but seemingly not a large delegation. (And Femoyer wasn't really from Jax, but he is buried here.) If we don't want war heroes for schools or roads, we could always have Skynyrd Way and Bizkit Avenue. Or Tebow Terrace. 

Super Tire Jacksonville Review: More Like Stupid Tire

Think of the top priorities when it comes to your family. I'd bet that safety is right up there, if not #1. When someone works against you keeping your family safe, you get angry. This is the account of how Super Tire in Jacksonville, Florida, made me angry and, frankly, feel stupid.

Florida's National Guard: Since 1565 - We Went There

I know history is important to Floridians, but this one seems to be a bit of a reach. Our National Guard unit (at least on the license plate) professes that it has been established since 1565. When I saw that, I figured it was referring to some kind of Colonial National Guard in New England. Nope, it's ours, with all of its ups and downs over the years.

Woman Veteran License Plates

I saw a Florida license plate with the phrase “Woman Veteran” written on it, along with a stylized image of a (presumably female) soldier holding a gun at either sunrise or sunset. Background images of flat land dotted with palm trees and cattails would imply Iraq or Florida rather than Afghanistan or Montana. The plate I saw was interesting to me for several reasons.

Your Connection Is Not Secure: OH NO!

Let's start with blaming Google a bit on this one. Then the hosting companies. Then you. Your connection is probably plenty secure, so don't worry too much, but if your website is telling most visitors that the connection is not secure, you're losing potential customers. I got a call from a potential client recently with this exact problem, and we're going to be seeing it over and over in the next few months (maybe years).

How To Get Out Of Jury Duty In Jacksonville

I wrote about jury duty a bit over six months ago. At the time, I had a previous commitment, so I delayed my patriotic duty for six months. I figured I'd have to serve the next time. And I was fully prepared to serve with dignity, unlike the last time I had jury duty in Milwaukee.

1000 Pageviews Per Month

Sure, I have a few articles out there with 1000 views per month all on their own, so a website averaging 1,000 pageviews per month for the first year of New Jax Witty  isn't a complete surprise. Actually, the numbers aren't bad considering I barely know anyone in Jacksonville on Facebook, and I don't even like using social media too much to boost my numbers. Of course, if you read an article on this website that interests you, feel free to share it. But that's about as far as I take the social media pyramid.

Xtreme Wings Sports Grill Is Not Quite A Packers Bar

No one ever told me Xtreme Wings was actually going to a bar for Packers fans. I was just kind of hoping it might be, since the bar is fairly close to home and not at all located in the St. Johns Frown Center. It worked for one game, actually, even if it’s not quite a Packer Bar.

Man Came to Florida to "Escape the Violence"

I was watching a news report of a homicide that included an interview with a guy who said he came to Florida with his family to escape the violence. The reporter didn't say from whence the interviewee came, so I wonder if I can figure it out based on statistics.

The London Llamas or Jacksonville Jaguars

My daughter had some of her friends over today, and one of them scoffed at the Green Bay Packers glasses I gave them. Since I had just seen the news story about Shad Khan's purchase offer for Wembley Stadium (along with the assumption across the pond that he plans on moving the Jaguars there), I told our guests that they might have to cheer for a new team soon. And why not the Packers, right? I know, Mr. Khan has not said he wants to move the team out of town, but he also wants to build a convention center and sports district. I assume that there may be some back room negotiations in the near future.

$100,000 Damage From Vandalism

When I saw this story, I felt kind of bad for the owners of the house. I wouldn't want vandals messing up my dream home. Of course, I can't AFFORD my dream home, either, so I guess my empathy kind of ends early on this one. The house will be repaired for $100,000, and it will be very beautiful when it's all done. Looks like it's a $750,000 house, which is an upgrade from the $675,000 house also owned by the same family. But maybe another vacation home? Since there's a $2,000,000 home elsewhere.

I Would Not Want a Murder Memorial On My Property

A recent news story presented the story of a memorial that had been set up for a murder victim where he was shot. The memorial was next to a sewer grate, so the parents of the victim assumed it was city land. And maybe the city does own the land down by the street. Still, I wouldn't want a murder victim memorial out by my mailbox. While the news seemed to want to show the emotional parents' view of the situation, let's think about the property owner for a second, even if it's technically city land.

Nude Gardening?

I saw a news story about a Florida nude gardener, and it got me to wondering. Apparently, gardening or just standing around in the nude is legal on one's own property, at least in the (I assume) Central Florida town. But is it legal in all of Florida, including Duval? It sounds like a nudist can literally hang out in his own yard, as long as there's nothing lewd happening. I guess some people, like my wife, believe being naked in your yard is perverted. I want to have an open mind, but this is one where I'm glad it's not my neighbor.

Free Pool Use In East Arlington

I was picking some extra baseball shirts up from my coach today, and I realized that because he also works from home, why not let him come on over once in a while to go swimming with the kid? So I invited him. And that will probably happen soon. The whole scenario got me to thinking, however. I have this nice community pool that is mostly empty during the school day, and I could stand to make some friends who might need a website for themselves or their churches. Or not. It's still a chance to get to know some people who live close by and would like to hang out with my while I rehab my knee injury in the pool.

Whip Out That EBT For Amazon Prime!

If you thought that EBT card was just for food and Medicaid was just for medical expenses, think again. I believe you can get some cheaper internet service from major ISPs, you might still be able to get the free phone (though I am not sure), and you can get Amazon Prime at a discounted rate, at least through the end of 2018.

Try Prime Discounted Monthly Offering

630City Online Needs Its Own Help (And Will It Work?)

I just wanted to get a four month-old pothole filled. I filled out the form on 630city, which is Jacksonville's website for handling such things as Animal Issues, Ditch- Clean / Regrade Flooding Issues, Illegal Dumping on C-R-O-W, Maintenance MCC PICS Case Recap and Reports, Mosquitoes- Inspect or Spray, Nuisance Property, Parks - Maintenance, Permits - None BID, Pothole- Patch, Public Parking Issues, Solid Waste - Garbage Issues, Solid Waste - Recycling Issues, Solid Waste - Yard Waste Issues, Traffic Signal Issues, Tree Issue. I was cool with filling out the form, but then it took a long time to submit, and I got an error message. Oh no!

If A Car Dealership In Jax Treats You Like Family...

I just saw a car dealership commercial wherein the the people say the dealership treats them like family. During the same newscast, there was a story of child neglect, a story about a family member murdering another, a story about domestic violence, and a story about a wife trying to hire a hitman to kill her husband. I'm not sure I want a car dealership to treat me like family.

Getting All Jag'd Up Is A Good Thing

My last name has some similarities to the word Jaguar. In fact, if I went back to teaching in Jacksonville, I might go ahead and call myself Mr. Jaguar. Anyhow, from having this last name, I have realized that there are certain connotative meanings of similar words that might be somewhat negative. Getting all Jag'd up, I think, would qualify, which is why it's an odd combination for some kind of local TV prize pack.

Yep, That's A Packer Bar in Jacksonville: Blackfinn Ameripub

Like other Packer-Backers who don't live in Wisconsin, I look for a decent bar when the games are on but not on my TV. I'd rather spend my time with other Packers fans than watching the Atlanta game here in Jacksonville, so I decided to finally venture out to what I understood to be the best Packer bar in town: Blackfinn Ameripub at St. Johns Town Center. This was the real deal, at least compared to what I had to deal with in Kansas City (my previous out-of-TV-area residence).

Welcome People Fleeing a Hurricane to Jacksonville

If you are fleeing the devastation of a hurricane elsewhere in the South, welcome to Jacksonville, Florida. New Jax Witty would like to take this opportunity to give you some advice in order to help facilitate a pleasant stay in my new hometown. I was new to Jacksonville once myself, so I understand if you want to just hide at your hotel or family member's trailer home.

Evergreen Content About Jacksonville

My yard started turning various shades of yellow, brown, and purple in the past month, and I'm trying to figure out which bug, mold, or weed killer went and started killing my lawn. I'm new to this St. Augustinegrass thing, but I know I don't want to have to re-sod like 10% of the poor folks in my neighborhood seem to do, so I'm going to try to make it green again. My HOA wants me to have a green lawn, and I do, too. A green lawn is a good metaphor for evergreen content on a website. It's content you want to look good whenever someone comes to visit, which means people will keep coming back.

Last 30 Days: All About Baxter AKA Bax to the Max

Holy smokes,folks! The last 30 days on Bing search (I know, I know) has seen a lot of interest in my Baxter Troutman article. I wrote that one as kind of a lark, but I'll take the hits. Actually, most of what I write is a bit of a lark, so I guess it's what I expect. What's funny with the Baxter searches is the misspellings and people wanting to know what in the world his wife was talking about in another ad that I didn't cover.  Some kind of incident with getting smacked with a bed, I think. Actually, I just moved my beds around, and if Baxter is swinging beds at people, he's one strong rancher, farmer, and businessman. Wait, I just looked it up, and it was a bedspread, not a bed. That's the fluffy cloth thing that goes on top of a bed. Like a giant pillow.

Many searches seemed intrigued about the marriage, but this website didn't have any of the dirt they were looking for. I also did not answer some of the questions, like whether or not Baxter won (he did not). Or if his wife is hot. Or if anyone cheated. Or if he likes Trump or is pro-life. I really just watched an ad and made fun of it. See if you know the answers to the questions posed in the search queries below.

Local Women Going Wild For Arrested Bristish Sailors

It's being called it British Invasion JAX (by us). The Royal Navy Fab Five were apprehended at Jacksonville Beach, being very bad boys while looking very good. Of course, that's what women love: a foreign accent, disheveled hair, a uniform, and the desire to fight all comers while drunk. Never mind the bad teeth and cartoonish ears.  Let's take a look at these blokes to see why Jacksonville birds are going nuts for the Royal Navy, even as the rest of us shake our heads in consternation.

99.9% Better Chromebook Protection

I have a friend who sells Chromebook covers (Craniums), and he just got a comment from a school district that told him the screen protection offered by the product fixed 99.9% of the problems. Imagine that: buying something that can fix your problem 99.9% of the time.

The FBI Is Probably Monitoring My Website Right Now

It's been brought to my attention that the FBI might be monitoring my website, so I should be careful. Getting hits from the FBI would be just fine with me, because I have had some pretty good ideas that might help the bureau out. Or Homeland Security, NSA, CIA, USAID, State Department, USDA, and various other agencies. Most importantly, if you have been employed to surveille me, please click on an ad somewhere on the website.

I Miss Library Game Rentals

Jacksonville has a public library. It's not open as many hours as it should be, but it's not a bad library system. However, it is lacking in one area that I kind of liked back in Milwaukee and especially Johnson County, Kansas: game rentals.

Jax Wins Book Contest and Celebrity Makeover, Meaning What Exactly?

We're Number One! I'd like to officially take at least some credit for Jacksonville winning the Soar With Reading Jet Blue contest. But now that it's time for this winner to get a chicken dinner, what does that mean and who does it mean it for?

Goofy Analogy In Medical Marijuana Case

I was watching a hearing about a state of Florida law that caps medical marijuana distribution centers at 25. Apparently, one company wants to build 27, so it's bothering to sue for the right to build as many dispencing facilities as it wants. Honestly, I don't care one way or the other, and it wasn't exactly riveting television, but there was one goofy analogy used by a lawyer that got me to writing.

Marijunana at Kernan and McCormick

I drive past Kernan and McCormick several times per week, but I guess I'm not perceptive enough to spot marijuana plants when I speed by them. According to the Florida Highway Patrol, 25 of these plants were spotted by a concerned citizen, and the plants were removed. I assume that's not exactly where the story ends.

Profiles In Courage: Bayley Judah

Here's one for all the millennials out there. Bayley Judah represents who you are, or at least how the rest of us see you. But it's not because we're wrong that we see you as spoiled kids who are looking to score big without any effort. The older, wiser among us might shake our heads, but other millennials will see this story as proof that you've got it all figured out.

If You're Going to Kill Your Mom and Her Friend, Invest in Gun Maintenance

I wonder if it's the heat down here, but it seems there are a lot of folks in the area who kill their own family members. That's cool. I'd rather violent people take it out on their own families than mine. However, a recent matricidal rampage ended with a daughter getting beat down instead of inflicting her full fury on her mother and her mother's friend, and it seems to be the result of a poorly operating firearm.

Is It OK To Kill Geese With Your Car In Jacksonville?

A Nextdoor post got a lot of heated debate recently, and I decided it was a good idea to weigh in on the issue. The initial post said that someone accelerated into a flock of geese, killing at least one goose. People angrily responded. Some mentioned it was a federal crime to kill geese. Others just said it was wrong. Then a couple of guys got into the discussion with their opinions that it was OK to do, or at least there's nothing any of us can do about it.

Frank White Would Strengthen The Death Penalty--What's That Mean?

Florida has the death penalty for murder, capital drug trafficking, armed kidnapping, and some felony crimes when there are death or sexual components to the felony charge. While I assume we've only executed people for murder, the other offenses do qualify. I also assume that life in prison is an option that sometimes is chosen, based on recommendations from the jury, based on whether or not the murder had certain aggravating factors. Then, once the jury decides death is the best course of action, the judge has to agree.

A Good Day to Play Baseball in JAX

I've written about playing baseball before, including the night after an awesome defensive game I had a few years back. Since an offensive explosion for me is 2 for 4 with two singles, defense is where I can help a team. Tonight, I got to play a "perfect" game at third base for the Bold City Kings that included one really good play, so it was a good day.

My Solar Score In Milwaukee Is Higher Than In Jax

This one is hard to compute, but I've used the tools on two different websites that came up with similar results: my Milwaukee house has a higher solar energy potential than my Florida house. Let's take a look at how that can possibly be the case.

Nerd On Nerd Crime Huge News In Jacksonville

The local Jacksonville news channels exploded after the mas shooting at The Landing. Granted, two people were killed, and nearly a dozen more were injured, so it was a big deal, but I'm wondering what captures our attention so much when it comes to this particular shooting, so much that the news channels had continuous coverage from when the event happened through the 11pm news time. Keep in mind, this shooting happened two days after a shooting at a local high school football game that involved all local people, killing one and injuring two.

Local Companies Rush to Barricade Classrooms For Profit

I was discussing the school shooting issue with a friend of mine who invented a Chromebook Case that we hoped might also be bullet proof. He told me he wasn't sure about the ballistic properties of his creation, but we did both see the potential profit in marketing a veritable shield. Neither of us wanted to do it, but it only makes sense, right? Local door and window companies are jumping in to make some money, just as the manufacturer of bulletproof backpacks made a run at the market last year. So, will all these upgrades make schools safer or just businessmen richer?

Over 25% of Duval Safety Assistants Turned Away--I Wonder Why

I have to wonder why over 25% of applicants for Duval school safety assistants were disqualified. Basically, the job is armed security guard, and I assume people applying realize what they are getting into. We're not talking about people who blow it at the interview here, I assume. Actually, it should worry all of us that 25% of the people who are trying to get into our schools don't qualify, and it makes me wonder just a little bit about the other 75%, too. Let's take a look at a few of the job requirements to see if we can identify what kind of past or present resulted in the downfall of 1/4 of the applicants.