Man For Rent to do Nothing in Jacksonville

I read about the Japanese dude who rents himself out to do nothing, and I kind of want the gig here in Jacksonville. I'd heard about middle-aged men renting themselves out to give advice to youngsters, but I think I might actually be better at this doing nothing thing. In fact, I should be your first choice in renting someone who doesn't have to do anything while being somewhere with you.

The Japanese man says he'll talk when people want to chit-chat, but he's not in it for friendships. I can totally do that. I'm a good friend, a good wingman at pubs, and a good conversationalist when I'm interested in a topic, but I'm also an introvert who would rather avoid other people most of the time. I'm perfectly satisfied to stand around various places in relative silence. Sometimes, I'll sit and stare into the back yard for twenty minutes. If you want me to sit and stare into your yard with you, that's perfectly fine. I can even stare into your yard while you do laundry or watch soap operas.

Unlike other men for rent to do nothing in Jacksonville, I am perfectly capable of not doing anything. I won't mansplain at you or debate with you or try to make you a sugar baby or bff. Nope, I'm good. But if you don't want to visit the art museum or take your yacht on the Intracoastal alone, I'm the best option around. Better than an ex or that freeloading cousin from Palatka, anyhow. I'm even willing to hang out at a Jags game or some other local minor league game. I know a lot about sports, but I have no interest in local teams, so you don't have to worry about me swearing my fool head off. But I also won't go on my phone and ignore you or the game. I'll do my job, which is to do nothing.

I don't do drugs and I'm not a booze hound. I literally like any music--I used to listen to the Hmong hour in Milwaukee Sunday mornings on WMSE just because it was something different--so I'll go to any concert with you while doing nothing there. I'm artsy but not pretentious. I have more college credits than many PhDs, but you wouldn't guess it... unless we get into a deep conversation (we won't). I even speak French, but I probably won't be saying anything to you in French unless you know how to ask me a question in that language, and then it would just be to answer the question, like "Oui" or "Non." I won't try to sell you anything more than my presence, and I'm not generally embarrassed by how others look or act--I've got some stories I could tell you about that, but I won't. Most of all, I'm not going to tell you that you're doing it all wrong like your dad might do: I'm not there to do anything but be there.

I suppose there are some rules. You can't dress me up in a scary clown suit and have me frighten kids or use me as a mule for your drug transaction. Nothing illegal or immoral. No overnights to Monaco or Akron. Maybe Monaco. No dating or date-like handsy stuff, boy or girl. That's doing something, and my job would be to do nothing. That said, you can request that I smile or nod approvingly, like when I watch my kids play sports. And if you insist on doing something, you pay for all of the expenses. I'll drive if you want to pay for the gas and mileage, but I'm not coming over to help you move your sofa to your new apartment.

If you want to stop feeling lonely all alone and would rather feel lonely next to another person, I am that person. Use the contact form to hire me to do nothing with you. It'll really be something.

My Guides to Jacksonville

I've met several people thinking of relocating to Jacksonville, and I often tell them to check out my website for my guide to the city. Except I did just that myself and realized it's not that easy to find, so here's a guide to my guides. 

Also, if you're thinking of moving here and want to hire an actual guide, that can be arranged. Use the contact form to work out the details. Or ask your realtor to take you everywhere...they love doing that.

Rosa Parks Homeless Park?

Rosa Parks Homeless Park

I've driven past the Rosa Parks Transit Station several times since it closed, and I noticed that quite a few homeless individuals line the streets nearby. Since a bus terminal is an eyesore already, and this one is just fenced off, I was wondering if maybe we'd be better off just combining two eyesores into one, making the Rosa Parks Homeless Park out of the bus station. 

Jacksonville's 630 City Online Guide - Now MyJAX

I wrote an article about using JAx 630City before, and it worked for me. A year later, my neighbor still has a broken recycling bin, and I am tempted to just fill out the form for him, but I'd rather teach local Jacksonville neighbors to fish than hand them a fish. In the spirit of trying to get you to do your own part in requesting services for which you pay (and help keep the city looking nice), here's a quick guide to what services you can ask for from the city of Jacksonville.

Arlington Renewal: Reality Check

I'm all for reviving and renewing Arlington, as long as it's not going to wake up all cranky on us. I have enough experience in urban planning (as a college student and connoisseur) to be able to predict a few major concerns with renewing Arlington, whether or not some hot-shot Miami developer says it's going to happen. And I don't have millions of dollars or years of experience in the neighborhood. Just sense.

After More Than A Year, I Realize There's A Skyway in JAX

Sorry, city leaders. I just didn't know there was a vibrant Skyway automated monorail in town. I kind of thought it was either an idea that had never been made or something that was closed down. Although I still have not seen this in person, I went to several websites to confirm that it does exist. My goal, in the next year-and-a-half, is to find a reason to ride this free people-mover.

Review of Aquatics Camp at St. Johns River Base at Echockotee for Boys AND Girls

It's odd there isn't more about this aquatics camp near Orange Park online. The Scout River Base seems to have some reviews of its own, along with some reviews of the Aquatics Camp, but there's not a lot of buzz considering the cool factor associated with an aquatics camp like this for my kids. This review will continue to be updated as we go through the process of signing up and attending the camp. If we like it, then it will be a review that spans more than one year. This is for both boys and girls, Scouts and non-Scouts, though I am not sure how well it's advertised to the general public (and that's totally up to the Scouts to decide).

MABL Turns 35+ in Jacksonville

Leg meets dry Jax grass

Hey Jacksonville weekend warriors, it might be time to un-retire the cleats one more time. The local MABL is trying to get a 35+ team going this year, and it will hopefully expand after that. Maybe even a league of our own, like Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell. Anyhow, if you're interested, you can find out more on the MABL page.

$1 To Walk on Jax Beach Pier?

My wife's uncle thought it was a scam. A hand-written sign near the entrance to the pier at Jacksonville Beach, charging $1 to walk on the pier. $3 to fish. We paid the money because they are from Wisconsin and don't get a chance to walk on an ocean pier very often. But I still wonder what the deal is, really. 

A Family Pass To State Parks With An Impossible Passport

OK, I'm not going to research this one entirely, but what was said on the news was so stupid that I needed to write it down. Supposedly, there's a new Passport program for Florida state parks, which sounds cool. You get a stamp for each state park you enter. OK so far. When you visit every one of the 164 state parks, then you get a family annual pass. Say what?

Cradle Creek Preserve, Eagles, and an iPhone

If you're looking for a quick hike through wild Florida close to Jacksonville, there are actually plenty of options. Cradle Creek Preserve is one opportunity you might want to try. It's similar to Castaway Island Preserve on the other side of the Intracoastal, just smaller.

Ed Austin Regional Park - The Dunes

I know there are local Jacksonville names for bridges, parks, streets, and probably all kinds of other things I have yet to figure out. One such name that I'd like to address is The Dunes. Or maybe simply Dunes. It's Ed Austin Regional Park. I found the explanation at coj.net:

The City of Jacksonville purchased this 144-acre site in 1994, and was formerly the Dunes Golf course [...] Formerly known as District II Regional Park, it was renamed in May 2005 in honor of former Jacksonville Mayor Ed Austin.

Kids Soccer in JAX

I went to look for where my kids could play soccer in Jacksonville, but I realized the main website that I was led to has not been updated recently, as can be seen by the link out to Arlington FC's website (now the property of China, it seems). Let's take a look at the listed leagues and how they've changed. I am searching for a league for a girl age 11, so I'm skipping some. And I'm focusing on soccer, not mixed sports camps.

Sponsorship Opportunity For Your Local Jax Business

I've played baseball for most of my life. The last couple decades have been in leagues where sponsors help the teams to defray costs in order to gain advertising. But that was all in Wisconsin. Now that I'm playing in Jacksonville, it appears as if sports teams are kind of on their own. My coach says that he's tried lots of potential corporate sponsors with no takers. They claim that everyone asks, so they don't want to be selective. More like they don't want my business. My last coach sometimes sponsored the team himself, figuring he could make some sales with insurance or financial advising. That didn't last, since only a few of us took him up on the offer, so we went to the default tavern sponsorship.

Best Example of Bush League News Yet

I thought I'd identified the formula for news reporting in Jacksonville, but then it took a turn for the stupid. A recent story about a woman who had relations with her best friend's teenage sons was disturbing enough, but the news took it a few steps lower.

What If St. Augustine Asked Me To Add Context To Confederate Monuments?

Here's a thought. What if St. Augustine asked just regular people to help add the "context" that the city has deemed necessary in order to keep from moving Confederate monuments? The city has appointed some academics in order to do the job, and I can only imagine the meetings. Someone will quote Howard Zinn, and then another academic will attack that supposition. Another might want to bring up Winthrop Jordan's The White Man's Burden, which will also be shot down. Then another professor will quote his or her own book, and before long, each will in turn quote themselves. Most likely half of the profs will have copies of their treatises with them with pages pre-marked. And when it all shakes out, they won't have a better context than an average guy like me.

Top Ten Unexpected Costs of Living in Jacksonville, Florida

When you move to a brand new community, you will have unexpected expenses that are generally hidden from your accounting. While there may be some savings you've missed, the costs are the ones that annoy you. The online cost of living calculators can give you an idea of the disparities, but there are minor differences in living that will cost something that you will not be prepared for until you make the move. Here's my Top 10 for Jax (yours may differ). Also, these are in no particular order because that would be too much work.

Baseball Field Fiasco

I thought it was just a fluke when I showed up to Woodstock Park and it looked like a farm field fit for a concert rather than a baseball diamond. I figured the field had been out of the rotation for a while, and maybe the person in charge of the field needed to get back in mid-season form. But it was also kind of a known concern. I'd been told going in to bring my own chair for the dugout. But that was the worst experience at the worst field, so no biggie.

Here's Why I Didn't Take My Family To The Fair This Year

Crime and perception of crime are basically the same thing to an outsider. Since I don't know the area near Duval's Fairgrounds, when I hear that shootings are happening within earshot of the fair and fights inside, I don't bring my family. After using Google Streetview and getting a better feel for the area, I now understand that the reason for my apprehension is slightly unfounded, but I'm still not sure for next year, since we all have the right to avoid becoming victims.

Is YIMBY Right For JAX?

When it comes to housing and economic development, NIMBY is often the word used. It means Not In My Back Yard, and you've probably felt this way at some point. I was surprised to see that another city that's experiencing growing pains is embracing something called YIMBY, or Yes In My Back Yard.