Man For Rent to do Nothing in Jacksonville

I read about the Japanese dude who rents himself out to do nothing, and I kind of want the gig here in Jacksonville. I'd heard about middle-aged men renting themselves out to give advice to youngsters, but I think I might actually be better at this doing nothing thing. In fact, I should be your first choice in renting someone who doesn't have to do anything while being somewhere with you.

The Japanese man says he'll talk when people want to chit-chat, but he's not in it for friendships. I can totally do that. I'm a good friend, a good wingman at pubs, and a good conversationalist when I'm interested in a topic, but I'm also an introvert who would rather avoid other people most of the time. I'm perfectly satisfied to stand around various places in relative silence. Sometimes, I'll sit and stare into the back yard for twenty minutes. If you want me to sit and stare into your yard with you, that's perfectly fine. I can even stare into your yard while you do laundry or watch soap operas.

Unlike other men for rent to do nothing in Jacksonville, I am perfectly capable of not doing anything. I won't mansplain at you or debate with you or try to make you a sugar baby or bff. Nope, I'm good. But if you don't want to visit the art museum or take your yacht on the Intracoastal alone, I'm the best option around. Better than an ex or that freeloading cousin from Palatka, anyhow. I'm even willing to hang out at a Jags game or some other local minor league game. I know a lot about sports, but I have no interest in local teams, so you don't have to worry about me swearing my fool head off. But I also won't go on my phone and ignore you or the game. I'll do my job, which is to do nothing.

I don't do drugs and I'm not a booze hound. I literally like any music--I used to listen to the Hmong hour in Milwaukee Sunday mornings on WMSE just because it was something different--so I'll go to any concert with you while doing nothing there. I'm artsy but not pretentious. I have more college credits than many PhDs, but you wouldn't guess it... unless we get into a deep conversation (we won't). I even speak French, but I probably won't be saying anything to you in French unless you know how to ask me a question in that language, and then it would just be to answer the question, like "Oui" or "Non." I won't try to sell you anything more than my presence, and I'm not generally embarrassed by how others look or act--I've got some stories I could tell you about that, but I won't. Most of all, I'm not going to tell you that you're doing it all wrong like your dad might do: I'm not there to do anything but be there.

I suppose there are some rules. You can't dress me up in a scary clown suit and have me frighten kids or use me as a mule for your drug transaction. Nothing illegal or immoral. No overnights to Monaco or Akron. Maybe Monaco. No dating or date-like handsy stuff, boy or girl. That's doing something, and my job would be to do nothing. That said, you can request that I smile or nod approvingly, like when I watch my kids play sports. And if you insist on doing something, you pay for all of the expenses. I'll drive if you want to pay for the gas and mileage, but I'm not coming over to help you move your sofa to your new apartment.

If you want to stop feeling lonely all alone and would rather feel lonely next to another person, I am that person. Use the contact form to hire me to do nothing with you. It'll really be something.

My Guides to Jacksonville

I've met several people thinking of relocating to Jacksonville, and I often tell them to check out my website for my guide to the city. Except I did just that myself and realized it's not that easy to find, so here's a guide to my guides. 

Also, if you're thinking of moving here and want to hire an actual guide, that can be arranged. Use the contact form to work out the details. Or ask your realtor to take you everywhere...they love doing that.

Cheapest Propane Exchange in Jax

I haven't done the math on refilling my propane tanks, since that's more of a hassle than it's probably worth. I have to assume it's a little cheaper than a propane exchange, but I'll focus on good deals for the exchange in Jacksonville.


Walmart - $15
Yes, it's the cheapest around. During Covid Times (or on a Saturday afternoon), it's also a lot of work to get your propane this way. I told my family that Walmart probably has some kind of contract to undercut every other seller of propane, which is either good business or bad business, depending on how you look at business. Since my time is worth a couple of dollars and I don't tend to shop at Walmart much, I am willing to pay a little more elsewhere.


Family Dollar - $15-$20
I wrote an article about propane on Satisfamily about the good deal here when the $5 off $25 coupons exist, but then Family Dollar went and added an exception to the coupon because of my article. However, I have seen a $5 off just for propane, so keep an eye out for that one. At least it's fairly easy to get your propane here, more like the gas stations.

On the Fly BP on Monument - $17, no, wait, $20 (2021)

OK, so this WAS a good deal, but now it's not. Maybe it's the pandemic excuse. Anyhow, it used to be worth it to make a trek to this hood-rat station with one attendant who has to close the store to get your propane while you wait, but not now. Original experience here follows:
I ended up here because Wawa didn't seem to have propane, so I couldn't use my Wawa gift card, and since I couldn't make a u-turn on McCormick to get to Gate, I decided to take a gander at the BP station. I was surprised by the $17 price, since $20 seems to be standard at gas stations. The attendant told me he had the cheapest prices in town, which might be the case when you compare to other gas stations. Fast and easy, like it should be. The store even has two cases of propane, probably because so much of it is sold here. I told the guy I'd be back.


Most other gas stations - $20
I have seen propane as high as $22 at local gas stations, but I think the $19.99 is normally the standard price in Jacksonville for propane exchange. There's no shame in paying the standard price, especially if you don't want to deal with Walmart or don't live near Monument and McCormick.


Walgreens - $22
The Walgreens on Monument and McCormick advertises $20 propane exchange, but when I bought my one and only tank there, I ended up paying $22 plus tax, not $20. For $2, I didn't end up going back up there, and the sign has claimed a lower price for two years, so I'm not the only one who has not complained to management.


For the amount of cooking you'll get out of your propane, it's probably worth the $15-$22 you'll spend on fuel. It might not be a good deal to heat your house in the winter or to run your dual-fuel generator after a hurricane, but it's not bad for outdoor cooking. If you live in East Arlington, try the BP station on Monument. If you know of a low price in another area of town, let me know, and I'll add it to the list.

BJs

We got the discounted BJs membership for at least a year, and it's just about the cheapest propane. They fill it like at U-Haul. When I was getting mine filled, however, some old-ass man had his Corvette break down in the parking lot which led to all the BJs employees helping him like he was going to give them a tip because he drove a Corvette. He didn't, and I just waited extra long to get me propane.

Search New Jax Witty

Related Stories

Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
McNewsy - Creative Writing
Educabana - Educational Resources
Brave New Church - Church Website Design
Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

Contact Me

Florida Tourism - The Destination Funeral

I was trying to find out what happened to the lovely 33-acre May Mann Jennings Park over on the North Side when I had this great idea for tourism in Jacksonville. It's mostly because Streetview of the park seemed to only show the Evergreen Cemetery, which kind of shares (or overruns) the park. In fact, COJ says the May Mann Jennings Park has "been returned to a natural, undeveloped state." For those of you who don't know government code, this means there's no funding for a park in an industrial/hood area of town. Anyhow, my search for a forgotten gem of a park was thwarted, but the cemetery next door got me to thinking about Florida/Jacksonville tourism, and I wondered if anyone had ever considered a destination funeral. 

Classic Chevys in Jacksonville

In the past year, I have seen several classic Chevrolet vehicles in Jacksonville, and as I continue to see them, I will add photos and descriptions. While most older Chevys you see around here are stranded on the side of the road, some still look the way they did on the showroom floor. 

Karen Protests For Justice in San Marco, So Now We're Good

[I began writing this article BEFORE Mayor Lenny Curry participated in a march led by Leonard Fournette and decided to simultaneously begin dismantling Confederate monuments in Jax. More on that at the end.] 

I am in favor of being able to protest for something in which you believe. I don't tend to do it myself, but that doesn't mean I think it's wrong, unless someone tosses a Molotov Cocktail onto my car. Luckily, that's never happened to me. Anyhow, I saw that there was a squeaky clean protest in San Marco. Karen was there. Dougie E Doug Marrone was there. Probably OK Boomer and a several others. So it was mainstream and nice. Maybe like going to a farmers market. That's why I ask myself the following questions. Does this mean something is really going to change? Does it mean those with relative power expressed some empathy and now it's all good? Does it mean people are just really bored right now?

Wanna Get Flamed on NextDoor in Jacksonville? Suggest Masks

A neighbor went to a local ice cream shop where none of the employees were wearing masks, so she posted that she did not order anything and asked if anyone knew the manager. She wasn't really irate or mean-spirited in her post, just saying she was surprised that the business had no mask policy on Mothers' Day, 2020. We learn later in the post that she has a family member who has contracted the virus and another one who works at a hospital, which she mentions after some of the comments.

Let's take a look at some of the responses our neighbor received for asking about the sanitary conditions at a local eatery:

Speak with your wallet and just leave it at that....

This means, of course, don't eat there. Of course, the woman had already said she didn't eat there, but this post basically says don't eat there AND shut your mouth about it.

I don't have a problem with it.

I'm not sure adding this statement adds anything to the discussion. But it's also not mean.

This poor squirrel wasnt wearing a mask in public. Look at what happened to him 😢

One guy decided that a dead squirrel would be a humorous way to ridicule the mask-wearing people, I guess. A few more people commented on the dead squirrel. I assume that the idea here is that masks don't really protect anyone, since cars will still run you over. While it's true that masks can't protect pedestrians on Beach Boulevard, they actually do help to prevent the spread of viruses.

Stay away and keep your family safe so the rest of us can go there and enjoy their delicious ice cream - in peace

I guess this one is meant to say that people who complain make life difficult for the rest of us who want to enjoy our food prepared without masks during a pandemic. It's like when my wife makes me leave the room so that she can watch a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie - in peace. 

Living your life in fear will kill you quicker than experiencing life to its fullest. Just sayin.

The logic here is flawed. Yes, if you live every day in debilitating paranoia, that's probably not good for your health. However, the original post didn't seem to come from someone who was living in fear. In fact, she had ventured out on Mothers' Day. I am apprehensive of riding a motorcycle, and I can therefore guaranty you that I will not die while riding one, but it's not like I dwell on NOT riding daily. But I might shake my head when I see someone speeding past me at 100mph on McCormick. And my fear still won't kill me, unless I swerve to miss the crotch rocket and swerve again to miss a squirrel and then again to miss a pedestrian crossing outside of a crosswalk and crash into a tree.

Bottom lines is if anyone disagrees with how someone runs their business.... just don’t go That simple . America is about personal freedom and the right to choose. Consequences be what they are

Good, a bottom line for all of us to learn from. The problem with this reasoning is that during an outbreak, we are all kind of responsible to each other. It's not the same thing as whether or not a business owner comes out against homosexuality or in favor of gun control. I've seen all the virus outbreak, zombie apocalypse movies, and high school health class videos, so I am an authority on the spread of disease. 

Then don’t go there!!! Stay home and don’t go out. This whole thing is BS trying till kill our economy..

I am not sure who really wants to kill the economy. I guess the mindset would be that Demoncrats will win in elections if they can prove the president didn't take the virus seriously. However, that also would mean that any country with liberals in power (and also experiencing the pandemic) will also decide to vote against the party in power. I can see this kind of tactic working in North Korea, maybe, where there's no outside news. Even if you believe that this is nothing more than the flu, then it's the flu in every country on earth, and I don't think that every opposition party in every country really wants to ruin the global economy in order to win elections. 

You all make me sick. Keyboard warriors; with your nose so far in everyone's business and trying to cry to someone and get your way and have things changed to how you want them...then disguise it by saying you're trying to save the world and be the bigger person. Good lord-get a hobby

I wish that I had more hobbies right now. I'm stuck reading NextDoor posts for entertainment. The point here is that the folks who wear masks are trying to both getting in other people's business (to NOT wear masks) and crying to get their way. These people, apparently, simply love masks. I have worn a mask for several hours in a row, so I can attest that no one loves wearing them. I don't like the way they make me feel or the way they make other people look. I freaking hate masks, but I'm willing to wear mine in order to protect others and myself. I don't want there to be universal mask laws forever, and even if that was proven to be the best course of action, I still would not like it. 

You really think a mask makes ANY difference at all?

This comment led into a debate about science. If you are dumb enough to ask this question, then I just shake my head in your general direction. Even really stupid people can admit that masks do, in fact, make a difference when it comes to the transmission of a virus. Masks are not 100% effective, and there's some truth to the notion that people become overconfident, but even most flat-earthers and climate-change-deniers will agree that a face covering makes a difference. For those of you on the fence, consider the purpose of the masks I own--I bought them when I refinished my wood floors to keep dust particles out of my nose and mouth. Even though you can't see a virus, and it's smaller than wood dust, the principal is the same. Even if ALL masks do is keep us from touching our own mouths and noses, that's still something.

You don’t have to eat there. They can do what they want

This comment is probably fairly consistent with the general mindset in Jax. Consider this, however: government (even for the most conservative people) has public safety as one of its core responsibilities. Police, firefighters, paramedics, disaster relief, etc. We don't need government to dictate how we live generally, but a pandemic qualifies as one of those moments when we as individuals should probably pay attention. So during that time, if the government says that people serving food must wear masks, then that should be what those people do. However, since our government response has been a patchwork of rules and exceptions, I myself do not know if this ice cream shop was or was not following either rules or even guidance by the entity with our safety as its main tenant. If there were no restrictions, then it does become a simple case of eating where you feel comfortable.

Everything on here turns into a controversial post. this app is called next door and I'm glad I don't live next door to a lot of you. Most of you never have anything nice to say at all... You're just mean and cowardly

I just liked this post, even if it's not really targeting one side or the other. We've gotten so used to trolling on news sites and responding to famous people on Twitter or even distant relatives on Facebook that we forget that those are real people. NextDoor is an app that shows real names and probably even addresses, and a lot of people treat it as if they are flaming a Politico article. Forget about the neighbor dog crapping on your lawn when you can see what he thinks about wearing face masks on NextDoor. And also forget about discussing real ideas with one another over a beer. 

In case you were wondering, the ice cream place is Bruster's on Atlantic. I went there with my family about a week after these posts, and the 20-or-so teens inside were definitely not wearing masks. We still ordered ice cream and social distanced. I told my wife that all the kids working there are probably making out with each other after work, so it's not like face masks are going to stop the spread of Covid-19 (or herpes) among the crew. The situation did make us uncomfortable, and I commend the original NextDoor writer for taking a stand and leaving, but we had also not had any decent ice cream in two months, so we went for it. If you want to support or boycott Bruster's for political reasons, feel free. As for me, I'm just hoping my ice cream didn't come with a topping of Coronavirus. Or herpes.

Search New Jax Witty

Related Stories

Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
McNewsy - Creative Writing
Educabana - Educational Resources
Brave New Church - Church Website Design
Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

Contact Me

Coronavirus Family Activity: Themed Outings

When I saw the all-black Mercedes G Wagon, I thought to myself, "Now there's someone who likes black." I kind of get it with Dodge trucks, since you have to do something to try to make them more desirable, but I wasn't quite sure where Mercedes was going with a $100,000+ Jeep knockoff that also stole the idea of adding dirty-looking wheels to the mix. I digress, and I apologize to the black wheel owners, as you have legitimatized my all-black steel wheels from my 92 Chevy Cavalier, as if I was ahead of my time. This article is about a theme when you venture out during Covid-19, not about my thoughts on all-black wheels. However, your vehicle of choice probably plays a big role in your themed outing right now, as evidenced by this all-black beauty.

Coronavirus Family Activity: Line Exercise

Working out in line during Covid-19

You might think that social distancing and time stuck in your house will negatively impact your ability to do workouts, but you don't have to rush online to get the $10,000 home gym just yet. One local was able to get a full exercise routine completed by simply going to get groceries.

Coronavirus Family Activity: Decorate for Easter / Puzzles

This is a dual activity for your family during the Covid-19 outbreak. Since no one should be visiting your house, this is your chance to decorate it however you want. This might include the most ridiculous Easter decorations, but it might also include setting up a puzzle or activity table right there in the living room. No one cares. The Queen of England is not coming over to inspect your house, so take this chance to live like it.

Coronavirus Family Activity: Camping Out

I'll begin this with my usual diatribe about why I hate camping. The human race has spent ions perfecting our dominion over nature, so why would I want to be sweaty/dirty/freezing/smelly/buggy/sleepless? I wouldn't, but I camped out for several years because my son wanted to be in Cub Scouts. Covid-19 and staying at home has provided our family with the perfect opportunity to use our camping equipment, even if not all of us actually spend the night in the tent. 

Coronavirus Family Activity: Walk a New Neighborhood

Even if you are being forced to shelter in place, you have to get outside. Eventually, you might not venture any further than your own yard, but if there aren't strict rules, you can at least take a walk through your neighborhood. The only problem with having a dog who loves long walks is that you might get bored not having parks or beaches available. Our family decided to venture out to a new neighborhood for a walk before (and in case) the shelter in place order comes to Jax. 

Coronavirus Assignment: Say Something Nice

Sometimes it's fun to mess with people a little bit online, like when I ripped on some guy from Lenexa, KS, for thinking he was some kind of a real poet. Or the local Millennial on a mission to become a typical scammer. Or when I smoked a CEO who was acting like a CEO. However, as we all deal with Covid-19 and our families all day at home with us, let's all take some time to write something nice once in a while in order to keep the world and ourselves sane.

Alleys in Jacksonville Confirmed

There are alleys in the Springfield area of Jacksonville

I was driving in the Springfield area of Jacksonville when I finally saw my first alley. As I drove around a bit more, I saw more of the handy passageways, nestled behind homes. I'm not sure if this is exclusive to Springfield or if I've missed the miniature roads in other parts of town, but I'd been under the impression that alleys never made their way to Jacksonville at all.

Florida Teacher Pass Guide

Several attractions offer free admission to Florida teachers. However, many of requirements are slightly different, so I thought I'd write them down so that I can remember (as a teacher) how to sign up for my free pass.

Keep in mind that your kids (and non-teacher spouse) will still cost you money at all these locations.

Male Fashion and Lifetstyle: Cute Kids at the Gun Show

I've always heard that women dig a man with kids. Since I was happily married when I had kids, I guess I wouldn't know. If you happen to be an uncle in search of a special lady, however, I'd recommend babysitting in order to show off the kids at a gun show.

Male Fashion and Lifestyle: Matching Hats

If you want to be really cool as a group, get you some matching hats. Most of us don't think about it ahead of time, and we often make the mistake of matching t-shirts or NASCAR jackets, but matching hats are really the way to go for guys. Let's take a look at how to decide on those hats so that you can look your best.

Male Fashion and Lifestyle: Sunny Boy Hair

I originally got the "Sunny Boy" wig when I was an extra in an independent film that was never finished. I had to wear a Polo shirt, a sweater over my shoulders, and the Sunny Boy blonde wig. I was the bad guy, and my Mercedes 300SD also fit the bill. We only finished one day of filming, at Lake Park Golf Course in Milwaukee. I was probably revealing my devious plans to co-conspirators while golfing. I don't recall. However, Sunny Boy stayed with me, and I put it to some use over the years.

One Giant Leap for Local Teachers

Florida teachers should be riding the 50th Anniversary of the space program fervor. Space travel is pretty cool, whether it happened a half-century ago or last week. Kids are interested in us going back to the moon and even to Mars. Good teachers use interest and enthusiasm to help teach kids, so take that giant leap, whether you're teaching elementary school, middle school, or high school.

Opendoor Self-Tour Insanity

I just drove past a new construction or fully-flipped home with a sign that said you can just walk right on in and tour the house. In Jacksonville! That's why I had to call it Self-Tour Insanity rather than instantly.


Fine, maybe in Charlotte or Indianapolis, you can just tell folks to download the app, use the (digital?) key, and tour the beautiful home in a civilized manner. But in Florida in general and Jacksonville in particular, self-touring of homes might require a little more security.