Friday, January 5

Walmart Gatekeeper Attempts to Own Customer, Fails

I'm sure he was bored. The big shopping rush for the day was over, and a few stragglers (like me) we're getting their curbside deliveries after 9pm. He was also trying to impress his friends and/or the fine ladies working the delivery area. I understand. The guy is probably fun at football parties, but this is his actual job: answer the phone and deliver the items. Instead, I got amateur night at the Apollo.

I'm pretty sure it began with an answer that wasn't part of the script, since I was a bit put-off from the start. Probably something like, "What ya need?" Or maybe it was just the tone of voice. I don't remember exactly, and not a big deal. I told him I was there for my order. Brian (last name). We'll say it sounds like Flagler. Our comedian comes back with, "Brian Vinegar?" I could hear some muffled laughter. In all my years of having a somewhat difficult name, not one person has gone with Vinegar. Plus, I've never seen it as a last name, so it's probably some game that's played at Walmart to seemingly mis-hear last names and replace the name with some random item from the shelves. Like if your last name was Tebow, but the employee says Teabag or T-bone. Or last name Allen but he says Allegra. I guess it's entertaining in a very limited way.

I knew the guy was playing around, so I wasn't too surprised, after spelling out my last name, that he asked if it was Brian with a y or an i. Of course, he already had the package in front of him, and he probably knows how annoyed those of us spelled the right way get when asked if it's with a y. I suppose if my last name had been "Vinegar," it might have been Brian with a y because if you already have a stupid last name, you might as well make it official with a random consanant acting as a vowel in your first name.

Anyhow, at the end of the call, when the comedian moonlighting as Walmart employee said he'd be right out, I told him to bring out some of his good drugs. That surprised him. 

I was kidding, of course. Walmart probably doesn't carry really good drugs.

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