Friday, September 28, 2018

Man Came to Florida to "Escape the Violence"

I was watching a news report of a homicide that included an interview with a guy who said he came to Florida with his family to escape the violence. The reporter didn't say from whence the interviewee came, so I wonder if I can figure it out based on statistics.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

The London Llamas or Jacksonville Jaguars

My daughter had some of her friends over today, and one of them scoffed at the Green Bay Packers glasses I gave them. Since I had just seen the news story about Shad Khan's purchase offer for Wembley Stadium (along with the assumption across the pond that he plans on moving the Jaguars there), I told our guests that they might have to cheer for a new team soon. And why not the Packers, right? I know, Mr. Khan has not said he wants to move the team out of town, but he also wants to build a convention center and sports district. I assume that there may be some back room negotiations in the near future.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

$100,000 Damage From Vandalism

When I saw this story, I felt kind of bad for the owners of the house. I wouldn't want vandals messing up my dream home. Of course, I can't AFFORD my dream home, either, so I guess my empathy kind of ends early on this one. The house will be repaired for $100,000, and it will be very beautiful when it's all done. Looks like it's a $750,000 house, which is an upgrade from the $675,000 house also owned by the same family. But maybe another vacation home? Since there's a $2,000,000 home elsewhere. 

Thursday, September 20, 2018

I Would Not Want a Murder Memorial On My Property

A recent news story presented the story of a memorial that had been set up for a murder victim where he was shot. The memorial was next to a sewer grate, so the parents of the victim assumed it was city land. And maybe the city does own the land down by the street. Still, I wouldn't want a murder victim memorial out by my mailbox. While the news seemed to want to show the emotional parents' view of the situation, let's think about the property owner for a second, even if it's technically city land.

Nude Gardening?

I saw a news story about a Florida nude gardener, and it got me to wondering. Apparently, gardening or just standing around in the nude is legal on one's own property, at least in the (I assume) Central Florida town. But is it legal in all of Florida, including Duval? It sounds like a nudist can literally hang out in his own yard, as long as there's nothing lewd happening. I guess some people, like my wife, believe being naked in your yard is perverted. I want to have an open mind, but this is one where I'm glad it's not my neighbor.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Free Pool Use In East Arlington

I was picking some extra baseball shirts up from my coach today, and I realized that because he also works from home, why not let him come on over once in a while to go swimming with the kid? So I invited him. And that will probably happen soon. The whole scenario got me to thinking, however. I have this nice community pool that is mostly empty during the school day, and I could stand to make some friends who might need a website for themselves or their churches. Or not. It's still a chance to get to know some people who live close by and would like to hang out with my while I rehab my knee injury in the pool.

Whip Out That EBT For Amazon Prime!

If you thought that EBT card was just for food and Medicaid was just for medical expenses, think again. I believe you can get some cheaper internet service from major ISPs, you might still be able to get the free phone (though I am not sure), and you can get Amazon Prime at a discounted rate, at least through the end of 2018.

Try Prime Discounted Monthly Offering


630City Online Needs Its Own Help (And Will It Work?)

I just wanted to get a four month-old pothole filled. I filled out the form on 630city, which is Jacksonville's website for handling such things as Animal Issues, Ditch- Clean / Regrade Flooding Issues, Illegal Dumping on C-R-O-W, Maintenance MCC PICS Case Recap and Reports, Mosquitoes- Inspect or Spray, Nuisance Property, Parks - Maintenance, Permits - None BID, Pothole- Patch, Public Parking Issues, Solid Waste - Garbage Issues, Solid Waste - Recycling Issues, Solid Waste - Yard Waste Issues, Traffic Signal Issues, Tree Issue. I was cool with filling out the form, but then it took a long time to submit, and I got an error message. Oh no!

If A Car Dealership In Jax Treats You Like Family...

I just saw a car dealership commercial wherein the the people say the dealership treats them like family. During the same newscast, there was a story of child neglect, a story about a family member murdering another, a story about domestic violence, and a story about a wife trying to hire a hitman to kill her husband. I'm not sure I want a car dealership to treat me like family.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Getting All Jag'd Up Is A Good Thing

My last name has some similarities to the word Jaguar. In fact, if I went back to teaching in Jacksonville, I might go ahead and call myself Mr. Jaguar. Anyhow, from having this last name, I have realized that there are certain connotative meanings of similar words that might be somewhat negative. Getting all Jag'd up, I think, would qualify, which is why it's an odd combination for some kind of local TV prize pack.

Yep, That's A Packer Bar in Jacksonville: Blackfinn Ameripub

Like other Packer-Backers who don't live in Wisconsin, I look for a decent bar when the games are on but not on my TV. I'd rather spend my time with other Packers fans than watching the Atlanta game here in Jacksonville, so I decided to finally venture out to what I understood to be the best Packer bar in town: Blackfinn Ameripub at St. Johns Town Center. This was the real deal, at least compared to what I had to deal with in Kansas City (my previous out-of-TV-area residence).

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Welcome People Fleeing a Hurricane to Jacksonville

If you are fleeing the devastation of a hurricane elsewhere in the South, welcome to Jacksonville, Florida. New Jax Witty would like to take this opportunity to give you some advice in order to help facilitate a pleasant stay in my new hometown. I was new to Jacksonville once myself, so I understand if you want to just hide at your hotel or family member's trailer home.

Evergreen Content About Jacksonville

My yard started turning various shades of yellow, brown, and purple in the past month, and I'm trying to figure out which bug, mold, or weed killer went and started killing my lawn. I'm new to this St. Augustinegrass thing, but I know I don't want to have to re-sod like 10% of the poor folks in my neighborhood seem to do, so I'm going to try to make it green again. My HOA wants me to have a green lawn, and I do, too. A green lawn is a good metaphor for evergreen content on a website. It's content you want to look good whenever someone comes to visit, which means people will keep coming back.

Last 30 Days: All About Baxter AKA Bax to the Max

Holy smokes,folks! The last 30 days on Bing search (I know, I know) has seen a lot of interest in my Baxter Troutman article. I wrote that one as kind of a lark, but I'll take the hits. Actually, most of what I write is a bit of a lark, so I guess it's what I expect. What's funny with the Baxter searches is the misspellings and people wanting to know what in the world his wife was talking about in another ad that I didn't cover.  Some kind of incident with getting smacked with a bed, I think. Actually, I just moved my beds around, and if Baxter is swinging beds at people, he's one strong rancher, farmer, and businessman. Wait, I just looked it up, and it was a bedspread, not a bed. That's the fluffy cloth thing that goes on top of a bed. Like a giant pillow.

Many searches seemed intrigued about the marriage, but this website didn't have any of the dirt they were looking for. I also did not answer some of the questions, like whether or not Baxter won (he did not). Or if his wife is hot. Or if anyone cheated. Or if he likes Trump or is pro-life. I really just watched an ad and made fun of it. See if you know the answers to the questions posed in the search queries below.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Local Women Going Wild For Arrested Bristish Sailors

It's being called it British Invasion JAX (by us). The Royal Navy Fab Five were apprehended at Jacksonville Beach, being very bad boys while looking very good. Of course, that's what women love: a foreign accent, disheveled hair, a uniform, and the desire to fight all comers while drunk. Never mind the bad teeth and cartoonish ears.  Let's take a look at these blokes to see why Jacksonville birds are going nuts for the Royal Navy, even as the rest of us shake our heads in consternation.

99.9% Better Chromebook Protection

I have a friend who sells Chromebook covers (Craniums), and he just got a comment from a school district that told him the screen protection offered by the product fixed 99.9% of the problems. Imagine that: buying something that can fix your problem 99.9% of the time.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

The FBI Is Probably Monitoring My Website Right Now

It's been brought to my attention that the FBI might be monitoring my website, so I should be careful. Getting hits from the FBI would be just fine with me, because I have had some pretty good ideas that might help the bureau out. Or Homeland Security, NSA, CIA, USAID, State Department, USDA, and various other agencies. Most importantly, if you have been employed to surveille me, please click on an ad somewhere on the website.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

I Miss Library Game Rentals

Jacksonville has a public library. It's not open as many hours as it should be, but it's not a bad library system. However, it is lacking in one area that I kind of liked back in Milwaukee and especially Johnson County, Kansas: game rentals.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Jax Wins Book Contest and Celebrity Makeover, Meaning What Exactly?

We're Number One! I'd like to officially take at least some credit for Jacksonville winning the Soar With Reading Jet Blue contest. But now that it's time for this winner to get a chicken dinner, what does that mean and who does it mean it for?

Goofy Analogy In Medical Marijuana Case

I was watching a hearing about a state of Florida law that caps medical marijuana distribution centers at 25. Apparently, one company wants to build 27, so it's bothering to sue for the right to build as many dispencing facilities as it wants. Honestly, I don't care one way or the other, and it wasn't exactly riveting television, but there was one goofy analogy used by a lawyer that got me to writing.

Marijunana at Kernan and McCormick

I drive past Kernan and McCormick several times per week, but I guess I'm not perceptive enough to spot marijuana plants when I speed by them. According to the Florida Highway Patrol, 25 of these plants were spotted by a concerned citizen, and the plants were removed. I assume that's not exactly where the story ends.