Saturday, April 7

Annoying Neighbor - The Mighty Muffler

It's 7:45am on a Saturday, and I'm reminded of one type of annoying neighbor: the one who has a loud muffler. I'm already awake, so this isn't about me being woken up, but it's still a neighborhood nuisance. 

Back in Wisconsin, it was the neighbor three houses away, and it was only in the summer. He rode a motorcycle. A Harley. Harley's are ironically loud because countless riders talk about how wonderful it is to ride in nature. That's funny, because motorcycles create horrible noise pollution for those trying to enjoy nature. 

The neighbor here has a muffler that is tuned to be louder than most motorcycles I've heard. I am sure there's a purpose. I am sure any of his shortcomings seem less short when he's revving his engine and waking people up on weekends. That's funny, too, since the neighbor who does this does not seem to go to work on a lot of weekdays, at least not all that early, but there he is before 8am on a Saturday, drag racing down a cul de sac. Actually, he does not drive fast or dangerous--it just sounds that way. 

I had another neighbor in Milwaukee with a lawnmower that was noisy and smelly, and didn't stay started very well. The neighbor here has an issue keeping his loud car started, especially when the distributor cap gets wet. Some mornings, I hear twenty restarts. Of course, this will all burn out his coolio competition starter at some point. And it's all so silly, because when there's a need to be fast and/or furious, having to restart your car a dozen times is totally weak. 

The neighbor in Kansas had a diesel pickup that woke my wife up every morning. He actually worked daily, so that was annoying. I was the evil neighbor with a diesel Suburban in Wisconsin. Sorry, Barb, but your lawnmower, spreading weeds, and wood pile sucked, too, so those even out my loud engine at 6am. 

Sometimes our fast and furious neighbor will invite several friends over in a kind of convention or summit of cars that have cost as much as nice cars while being total wrecks. I totally understand the  desire to get your hands dirty while working on your car, but it's frustrating to see another generation of young people stay within their social stratification based on over-expenditures on recreational activities. Back in my day, it was Reebok Pumps, pull-out stereos, Kicker boxes, Starter jackets, and +1 American Racing Rims. That might seem sad, but it was just as good at bankrupting high school/college boys as any stupid sport shifter is today. 

My Advice
If you're not actually drag racing for pink slips or to get an abundance of female company, then there is no real purpose to your vehicular endeavors. Even if you do score a date with a nice girl trying to be naughty, you won't be able to carry on a decent conversation in your car. This will disappoint her because she will clearly be the brains in your relationship. She'll also probably be the breadwinner. And the soul. Oh, and drive your car quietly through the neighborhood, Chief. 

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