Friday, June 29

School Article Proof We Need School

As an English teacher, I am often disappointed with much of what I read online. When it's some blogger writing about her favorite recipe, I'm not bothered all that much. However, I recently read an article on a local Jacksonville news website that had too many errors for something supposedly written by a real, live journalist. Ironically, the article was about education.

"Six more Duval school leadership posts will change hands if the school board approves next month, including a school that fell from a C to an A and two schools which received D grades. "
-- uh, FELL from a C to an A? And is the school board approving the posts or the month?

"Three of those schools maintained their school grades, according to just-released data, while two improved and Hyde Park, fell from a C to an F."
-- comma after Hyde Park? Maybe one before would work better.

"Added to the 19 other recent principal shifts earlier this month, that means 25 of Duval's 161 schools — of 15.5 percent of the district's schools — will have new leadership."
-- or 15.5 percent? Not of. I'd also avoid the word "that," which is vague.

"The changes come as the state earlier this month announced test results and on Wednesday announced school and district grades Wednesday."
-- on Wednesday then?

"In total, Duval schools (district and charter) had five fewer A's than last year, two more B's, two fewer C's and two more D's. There were two more F's for a total of three and five schools which had incomplete data and were not graded."
--So more and fewer, and then "a total of three and five schools" had something else happen. I'm sure it makes sense to the author, but the point of writing is to help the reader make sense of the facts.

The education article gets a C- from me. I would like to encourage the author to keep writing. You'll get better at it with more practice.

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