Tuesday, June 6

Why Isn't There an NCIS Jax?

I think the various NCIS and FBI shows are all that's on CBS, which is fine, but I just wonder why we don't have an NCIS Jacksonville TV show. Instead, we have Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol as our most important local police drama. NCIS would be a good fit because we're the second biggest Navy town and we have as much crime as any other big city. 

We have stupid Florida crime, which is mostly only available in Florida. While the other NCISs focus on criminal masterminds, NCIS Jax would be more about criminals who rob banks and then walk to their apartment complex across the street. Or folks who have kennels with 30 pit bulls in their yards. Or geniuses who 3D print fully-automatic gun modifications to sell out of their garages. Or dentists who practice dentistry in their living rooms. Or executives who try to sell public utilities to get rich. Really dumb, immoral crime that's the bread and butter of the Keep Florida Free movement.

Maybe NCIS Jax could also investigate Navy guys who rent in neighborhoods beyond their means with a bunch of buddies and refuse to take their recycling out on the right day of the week, letting it sit beside their house as an eyesore. I'd appreciate that storyline. NCIS Jax wouldn't even have to worry about Writers Guild strikes because stupid crime in Florida pretty much writes itself. As in, today we need to investigate the guy who keeps gardening in the nude. Or we have to decipher who wrote a blog post about Ron Desantis without permission. Or which teacher let students read a Judy Blume book. Big crimes.

The Jacksonville NCIS officers should be decidedly Florida in their law enforcement, evading questions from the press and turning off body cameras when convenient. They should pull people over without just cause and use Guantanamo-style interrogation techniques. It could also have a Baywatch vibe with some surfing and tail-chasing in between drug busts and murder investigations.

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