Monday, April 30, 2018

What's The Best Abduction Vehicle Name?

Last year, when I was driving back and forth between Kansas City and Jacksonville, everyone was looking for a Nissan Rogue driven by a teacher who went rogue with a student. It was an appropriately named vehicle for an abduction. With the recent possible abduction in a Chevrolet Captiva, which is also appropriately named, I began to wonder which vehicles have the best abduction names.


My own cars are an MKZ, 9-5, and X 1/9. None of these are any good, so don't worry about me. There isn't really a great place to find all makes and models of vehicles in one place online, so I'll do my best to list some vehicles that sound the part, but I'm missing plenty, I am sure. By the way, I absolutely do not endorse or condone abductions of any sort. And the cars listed have nothing to do with actual vehicles used in abductions.

Buick Centurion - Named after a commander in the Roman army, this is probably a decent name for a car in which to abduct someone.
Buick Enclave - I think that's the meaning they were going for.
Buick Rendezvous - Could you imagine a teenager meeting up with his or her teacher in a Buick Rendezvous? Oui, je peux.
Chevrolet Bolt - If you're going to run away with your favorite student, you're going to bolt. 
Chevrolet Cavalier - Someone who is cavalier shows a lack of proper concern, which would make sense
Chevrolet Citation - One definition of citation is a summons to appear in court, but some of the meanings are more positive. If I see some middle-aged guy driving around in a brand-new looking Citation, I get weirded out.
Dodge Stealth - When you abduct someone, you want to be stealthy about it.
Edsel Roundup - I guess.
Ford Escort - If you plan on escorting someone away from home, this car works, if you can get it started.
Ford Explorer - Explore your feelings and the country as you flee.
Ford Probe - Think alien abductions.
Jeep Wrangler - That's kind of the point.
Jeep Renegade - Like the Rogue, it has the feeling of someone who breakin the law.
Mitsubishi Mirage - It may not be stealth, but it's hard to find when you're on the run.
Plymouth Prowler - Probably the best name on the list.