Tuesday, September 11

Local Women Going Wild For Arrested Bristish Sailors

It's being called it British Invasion JAX (by us). The Royal Navy Fab Five were apprehended at Jacksonville Beach, being very bad boys while looking very good. Of course, that's what women love: a foreign accent, disheveled hair, a uniform, and the desire to fight all comers while drunk. Never mind the bad teeth and cartoonish ears.  Let's take a look at these blokes to see why Jacksonville birds are going nuts for the Royal Navy, even as the rest of us shake our heads in consternation.


From left to right, we have:
Leuan Edwards, age 21, the angry one. He was fighting two people and was also possibly tasered by police. While it might seem as if he wants to fight anyone or anything, he's really just a misunderstood soul whose intentions are good. At least after he's been hit with 30,000 volts of electricity.

Dominic "Nic" Gregory, age 19, the quiet one. He was lying in a roadway. Not laying in a roadway, as reported by Action News Jax...that would be something much more troubling, as the wording indicates he would have been laying something in the street. Nic is also the only one of the bunch with hair that requires a comb-over, but he sports a magnificent beard that makes him seem more sensitive.

Thomas Reffold, 27, the rebel. Tom is accused of being drunk and disorderly, while also resisting arrest. He doesn't give a bloody hell what you or your father thinks of him, which is why all the ladies fall for him. That and the fact that he looks a bit like Sloth from The Goonies, and everybody loves Sloth.

Steven Gorley, 27, the pirate. Accused of trespassing while very drunk, Steve was just embracing his inner Errol Flynn, swashbuckling and pillaging. Steve is the kind of guy who goes where he wants and takes what he wants when he's there, especially if it's an alcoholic beverage. He was forced to remove his patch for the photo, but that won't stop the ladies from wanting him to hold them for ransom.

Matthew Cotham, 22, the confused one. Matty was trying to fight his fellow shipmates, and he's already considering a solo career. His strong jaw and sad eyes tell the tale of a young man who has lost his way, and he would most definitely change entirely for the right woman, even if that's never happened before. Yes, you're probably the one woman who can change him, so go for it, Girlfriend.

The Royal Navy Fab Five will be playing TIAA at an upcoming halftime show, so get your halter tops ready, ladies.

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