Wednesday, December 12

Donuts for Dads and Muffins for Moms

An angry mom was upset about a school gathering that turned away moms looking to score some free donuts because it was Donuts for Dads. She said the kids who don't have dads in their lives should not be excluded from such programs, and that doing so will lead to bullying. The news reported that Muffins for Moms is coming up shortly, but I guess that's not enough for the angry (or hangry) mom. I don't think there's a perfect answer to this one.

I'm a dad, and I like being a dad.  I like donuts just fine, too. However, I'm not really into the whole recognition of me as a dad programs. I went to one All-Star Dads meeting at my kids' last school, and it just made me kind of uncomfortable. My kids said they were cool with me not going any more, as long as I kept being a good dad.

The reason for these programs is to light a fire under the dads who want to avoid the responsibilities of being a dad. They get to see other men who are involved, whose kids love and respect them, and who represent a strong male figure in the lives of their kids. Nothing wrong with that, Angry Mom. In fact, the man she says chose to not be part of her kids' lives would probably benefit from showing up at such a meeting. Actually, Angry Mom probably needs to be more angry at Absent Dad when Donuts for Dads comes around. Even if your woman yells at you all the time, Absent Dad, you could at least show up for some free donuts with the kids.

I went to a school where dads weren't always around. A lot of my friends were being raised by single moms or grandmothers. I knew a lot of guys who could have used a strong male influence in their lives. And I'm not talking about some nice guy at the Boys and Girls Club. Social programs can provide some guidance, but boys need men to show them how to become a man. My advice for Angry Mom (and all the other single moms out there) is to seek out those strong men. I'm not saying get back into a relationship with a loser boyfriend just to have a man in the house. But most kids have two grandfathers. Most churches have men who are willing to mentor, and if yours doesn't, then look around for another church. There are men out there willing to step in, especially for free donuts.

I'm not sure whether or not Muffins with Moms has always existed in the school district or if it was created because of the complaints about the Donuts for Dads fiasco.  In all honesty, moms don't need muffins to be involved in the lives of their kids, as is evidenced by the fact that moms complained about the dad thing.

Donuts for Dads probably just needs to be re-branded to be more inclusive. Muffins for Men. Fruits for Brutes. Gruyere for Guys. Mangos for Males.

Maybe Angry Mom would like Dates for the Divorced or Salad for Singles.

More than likely, however, Donuts for Dads will simply be gone next year. It's not really worth all the bad press.