Friday, July 19

If You Have to Ask How Much Fortress Garage Suites Cost...

fortress garage suite
That's right, you can't afford one. If you have to ask, I mean. But they do (or will) exist in Jacksonville. 13 of 30 are sold at the location I saw near Beach and I-295.

If you don't have to ask, they start at about $170,000. People who are in the market for a garage suite more than likely own a home valued at 10x the garage price, as well as cars valued at more than my home's value. But they are real people, too, and they are totally normal once you get to know them.

Then there's that one crew that pools together for a garage suite because all four of the guys own one nice car. Except the one guy, we'll call him Todd, doesn't make his $42,500 payment. Never should have trusted Todd, boys. Not when it comes to money. Or dating your sister.

For most of the people, this is a man-cave deluxe. Some of the online renderings make it seem like where you might bring all your guys to hang out, complete with basketball hoop, but others have couches and intimate lighting, so maybe you bring your dates to see your NSX?

I love cars, so I really want to understand garage suites that cost more than my second house. I guess for people who have that million-dollar house but not enough room to add a nice garage. I mean, these are nice garages, with room for four cars and some weird observation deck where you can stand and look at your cars from above. And watch TV. I guess you could also fit more cars with one of those car stands that allow you to drive one car above another, since these garages are two stories high.

They are over 1,000 square feet. Somewhere slightly bigger than 20' wide by 50' deep. With RVs running about 8' by 30', maybe some people will store two RVs in their Fortress Garages, though it's definitely marketed for car enthusiasts. And no one owns two RVs, right? Maybe fifty motorcycles, none stolen.

So $170,000 gets you in the door, then pay your own utilities. There's a clubhouse in case you're not storing your Sega Genesis in the loft area. Or if you need more guy time once your guy friends stop coming along to stare at your cars worth more than their life insurance policies.

I assume some VIPs with Ferraris will pretend like they are going to work on their cars here, but I'm not sure if it's the right kind of setting for DIY oil changes and fixing the other 80,000 problems you get to own along with the Ferrari.

But it's a good place to start up that Cobra, rev it, pull it into the alley, show it to the other guys, and then slip back into the Cobra Cocoon.

And then there's the elusive guy who supposedly owns a McLaren F1, but he only shows up on Tuesdays at 10am when everyone else is at work, except the old guy with three Corvettes named after his three ex-wives.

You know what, I really want in. No matter how sad I try to make it seem, I'd love to have a special home for my 1986 Bertone X 1/9, surrounded by other cars loved as much by their owners, who would all understand why I can't sell my Precious. Even though my wife did make me sell my Sega Genesis, so I'll be over after I stare at my car a while to play Streets of Rage.

But the problem is that I had to ask how much, so maybe I'll just drive by the place a few times with my X, hoping someone will see me and want a selfie with their MR-2 or TR-7, and invite me into the fortress. Just for a fleeting moment, as a sing Calloway's "I Wanna be Rich" to myself.
Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
McNewsy - Creative Writing
Educabana - Educational Resources
Brave New Church - Church Website Design
Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

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