Wednesday, January 13

If You're Going to Get Guy Food, Be Ready For Anything

A local woman was emotional and upset during a news interview after a man pointed a gun at her in a Hardee's drive thru down on Baymeadows. Personally, I don't like guns, but I do have to admit that if you're going to get your food at a guy restaurant in Jacksonville, you should be ready for anything and nothing should surprise you.

Hardee's and Burger King are for guys. Guys who aren't afraid to cry when Florida beats Georgia on a Hail Mary pass. Guys who won't ask for directions, even in Jacksonville. Guys who are fine with eating grease on their fat, along with a little iceberg lettuce when on a diet. Guys who carry guns in their glove compartments AND under their seats.

When you take forever in a drive thru because you are an indecisive woman with a whiny child in the back seat, you can expect to anger a guy who was getting his usual: a Monster Angus Thick Burger Combo. You're going to anger a hungry man if he has to wait for you to decide which has less fat between the Original Roast Beef and the Charbroiled BBQ Grilled Chicken.

It's like when he's playing golf and he comes upon a foursome that includes three old ladies and TWO grandkids. First of all, that's a fivesome, but more importantly, that group needs to keep the kids quiet and beg others to play through instead of acting as if they belong there. 

I am sure this man politely flashed his lights, honked his horn, and brandished his middle finger before he decided to draw his firearm. Like all responsible, licensed gun owners, he only reaches for his weapon when absolutely necessary, like when he hears loud music eminating from a nearby vehicle, when someone takes his parking spot, or when he sees a teenager he doesn't recognize in his neighborhood. Luckily, this man's national Second Amendment and Florida Stand Your Ground rights ensure his lawful use of a gun while being blockaded by a pokey woman who could potentially use her vehicle as a deadly weapon, especially if she hits the gas instead of the brake while applying makeup.

The best advice for women who are being asked to grab Hardee's for her man-friend is to call the order in ahead of time or go inside the restaurant or go to Panera instead. Just like men in line to use the port-a-john don't want to get stuck behind a woman (or old guy with prostate issues), the same applies to man restaurant and liquor store drive-thrus. 

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