Sunday, September 9, 2018

The FBI Is Probably Monitoring My Website Right Now

It's been brought to my attention that the FBI might be monitoring my website, so I should be careful. Getting hits from the FBI would be just fine with me, because I have had some pretty good ideas that might help the bureau out. Or Homeland Security, NSA, CIA, USAID, State Department, USDA, and various other agencies. Most importantly, if you have been employed to surveille me, please click on an ad somewhere on the website.


I watch Person of Interest, so I know that the government has a computer that monitors everything. Since this website qualifies as a part of everything, it's being watched. But the government is also tracking all my purchases, where my car travels, my text messages, and my internet browsing history. I am sure someone is listening to my words whenever I'm close enough to Alexa or OK Google devices. Or any device, really. I even just read that in order to activate a home certain security camera, people are forced to link various online accounts. Don't even get me started on Facebook.

There is so much data on me, available to the government, that someone out there could probably predict what I'm doing right now and what I'll be doing tomorrow afternoon. However, the government really doesn't have a reason to use it's Stingray or other technologies to spy on me. Until now, maybe. There's probably some algorithm out there that predicts the likelihood I might do something stupid based on the keywords I use in a specific article. This would be that article, since I mention all kinds of government agencies. And even if I'm just asking members of those agencies to click links, kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Weird. I just dozed off for a split second while typing, and awoke to several repetitions of kkk, which is probably another word the FBI tracks. Especially on websites in the South. I also write a lot about guns on this blog, but I don't own one. And I write about crime, though I don't commit any. Those two facts might make me a minority in Jacksonville, but that's just who I am.

So how is the government keeping tabs on me? Well, the NSA uses Boundless Informant to get billions of data reports each year. While it seems to focus on Iran more than the US, I am sure some of my articles, particularly this one, will find its way into a government database.  Maybe the NSA will go so far as to create a profile for me. And maybe someone there will enjoy reading a couple of my articles, which is the point of writing.

BULLRUN is another NSA surveillance technique that's more for eavesdropping on encrypted communications. Unless the government wants to steal a few hundred dollars from me, there's no point in decrypting any of my communications. But I guess that's for the NSA to decide.

Carnivore is an FBI system that can monitor email and electronic communication. It's not really used to read websites like this, and I'm not even sure it's still in use, but it has a cool name. The FBI can also do instant wiretaps with DCSNet. Again, no reason to wiretap me.

Some of our surveillance is meant more for foreigners, like Fairview, MUSCULAR, PRISM, Sentry Eagle, Special Collection Service, Terrorist Finance Tracking Program, and X-Keyscore.

As I scrolled down the list of American surveillance programs, I was a little surprised at the number of programs and agencies keeping an eye on all of us. Actually, it seems a little repetitive, like none of the agencies really asked the other ones what they were up to. Maybe the overlap is good, or maybe it's wasteful. I am sure that any blogger can be investigated to some degree, but I'm not particularly worried, since I am simply expressing myself well within the rights established in the First Amendment. Most blogs aren't manifestos or threatening in any way, though I'm sure some subjects that come up will be gathered by Tailored Access Operations and stored at the Utah Data Center. That's fine with me, and maybe someday, someone will read this article as they sift through yottabytes of data.

Honestly, I'd rather all that data collection be used to help backup my hard drives, since they're always crashing on me, which means I lose home videos or photos. And that really sucks, especially when the government is storing all kinds of data for free. Actually, that's a pretty cool idea, right? Let Americans backup our hard drives to Utah so that we can access our files when there's a failure. Maybe someday we won't have to worry about collecting data on criminal activity so that we can use data storage for something less totalitarian.