Wednesday, January 23

What Can You Get For $5 and Some Potato Chips in Jax?

Sometimes, police officers must have a hard time believing the stories they hear, even if the admission is so ridiculous that it must be true. This is one of those stories. A woman was shot at a gas station by a man who fled on foot. Those are both fairly typical events in greater Jacksonville. The assumption would be that she'd been mugged. Or targeted for some reason. Uh, not exactly. Actually, the woman had been paid $5 and some Pringles to provide a service for the man. He then shot her and took the $5 back. No word on the chips.

There are so many aspects to this story that are so wrong. I'm all for bartering, but even the big containers of Pringles cost less than $5, so that means she was providing the service for like $8. The fact that she told the police means that she admitted to what I assume is a crime. I guess that's honest and all, but it just seems like that's a fairly low asking price. I'd probably say it was $50 in case they catch the guy. Then again, I'm not sure she'd be entitled to get her money back based on how she earned it.

And the man. You just have to wonder what someone's thinking when he demands his money back with a gun after services have been rendered. I mean, it was only $5, man. I can't help but imagine the haggling that took place. Did he have to go in to get the chips, or was it the can of Pringles in his hands that brought about the exchange? And what flavor? Most of us can't really make a meal out of potato chips, so it's surprising there wasn't a slice of pizza or a hot dog mentioned. Oh, I guess there was.

So the crimes here include:
Inappropriate and illegal selling of services
Illegal buying of services
Indecent public exposure
Breaking a verbal contract
Attempted murder
Probably illegal possession of a firearm
Making Jacksonville look really, really bad, if that's a crime.

With tax season coming up, it's a good reminder for those of you who work in cash-only fields that you have to report all your cash income. But not as Florida state income tax. You're good there. Just federal income. However, I believe if you barter for chips, you don't actually owe taxes. Consult your tax expert for a more in-depth analysis.