Monday, February 17

Sawgrass Village Shopping Center Road Rage

Sawgrass Village Shopping Center
I guess folks with expendable income show up in their Mercedeses and Lexuses (Mercedes and Lexi?) to the Sawgrass Village Shopping Center on Valentine's Day. At 1:15 on Valentine's Day, it was if there was a senior citizen convention at the shopping center. One of them nearly made a citizen's arrest on me, just before another one nearly crashed into another patron of the NY strip mall. Overall, there were too many mini and mega SUVs vying for the same parking spots, presumably occupied by shoppers looking for that perfect gift to curb the whining before it even happens.

I would like to apologize to the lady who was going the right way in the one-way parking lot. I came down the up aisle, and no one was coming, so I went for it, and then this lady showed up. And there was plenty of room for us to pass, but she gave me the multiple light flash and the horn, along with flailing arms. Like I'd just run over her shih tzu or something. Maybe she was just ornery because she keeps trying to convince herself that her Toyota Avalon is the same thing as a Lexus. Or maybe she always gets upset on Valentine's Day because her husband would rather play golf than deal with her rantings about the horrible drivers in the Sawgrass Village Shopping Center. Or he already traded her in for a shiny new model who is actually a model. I am truly sorry, lady I don't know from Ponte Vedra, for making your exit from the Publix parking lot so stressful. However, now you have a new topic of conversation to bring up at the next fundraiser you attend. I am sure all your acquaintances you call friends would love to hear about how you nearly died when a driver came barreling down the wrong way at 5mph right at you. Maybe if you hurry back to Publix you can ask to see the parking lot surveillance video and have a warrant issued for my arrest.

Oddly enough, even with the horrible road driving conditions in Jacksonville, most of my closest calls (or people getting angry at me for non-close calls) have happened in parking lots. Really, there is no standard: some one-ways, some stop signs, some grids. Area parking lots are like a microcosm of Jacksonville street planning, with the added bonus of empty shopping carts. And this lady’s anger in a parking lot was probably the result of years of having to deal with the roads in Jax, wishing that her weekly trip to Publix and Peterbrooke was an oasis from idiots on the road. So, I’m sorry.
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