Local Haunts - A New Jaxperience

I was stuck with a weekend lineup that did not interest me, so I tuned into Local Haunts, mostly because of the cheesiest intro ever. It's a local Jax version of Ghost Hunters or the like. Steve Christian and Pamela Theresa are the stars of this show, and it's something. Steve is the tech guy and Pamela Theresa is the medium, meaning she can communicate with spirits without gear. The rest of the crew fits well into the stereotype of what a paranormal investigation team might resemble. What I mean is they seem legit in some way, like they LARP hard on non-investigation weekends. Or work as zombie or UFO-abductee extras in local college films.

Cell Towers That Look Like Giant Trees Look Like Cell Towers Dressed Up As Giant Trees

When I got off the #10 bus the other day, I looked up over some apartments and saw what looked a little like an artificial Christmas tree trying to cover a cell tower. I'd never seen this before. Generally, cell towers look like cell towers. This one looked like a cell tower, too, but like it was wearing a disguise. A bad disguise, really. It's not blending in with the other trees because it's three times taller. And it looks like it's mostly dead. Then there's the giant nest on top. I suppose it might be aesthetically pleasing from a mile away, but for the people who live right next door, this doesn't really do the trick.

Time to Find Out: What Are People From Jacksonville Called?

I've been making assumptions about the name of people from Jacksonville, but I have yet to look it up. In fact, I will wait until I offer my best guesses before I actually look for the real answer. I know I am now a Floridian (which means I need to drive around shirtless more often), but I'm still trying to figure out my city and county name for myself.

Is It Legal To Shoot My BB Gun In My Back Yard In Jacksonville?

I took my son to a Cub Scouts New Cub Shooting Sports event because he was a new Cub Scout to the area. I'll post more about that in another article, and maybe I'll save you some heartache. The experience got me to wondering if I could set up a target in my back yard rather than waiting for an hour and fifteen minutes to shoot five arrows and a few BBs. However, even after doing some research, I'm still not sure whether or not BB guns are legal in JAX.

What's With The Fog Lights, Jacksonville?

I wrote a decent article last year about why you don't need to drive around with fog lights on all the time. But that was back in Kansas/Missouri, where I estimated around 10% usage of fog lights for no reason. I estimate upwards of 20% of Jacksonvilleans use fog lights all the time, at least over here in Arlington. In fact, my estimates tend to be 20-30%, based on the scientific method of counting cars when I drive down the street.

Action News JAX Busy Mom Ad Should Bother Us

I'm all for good-looking moms who want to take care of themselves. That's not my issue with the Action News JAX ad. The problem is that the ad depicts an alternate reality that is not obtainable by most of us. Let's take a look at the ad storyboard and break it down for analysis.

Fall Family Fun: Amazing Grace Crop Maze Review

If you live in Arlington, the options for fall festivities on anything resembling a farm seem to be limited to an hour's drive. That's not a huge deal, but since we figured this might be our last year convincing the kids they want to participate in some of the activities, we wanted to make it one of the more interactive attractions. That left it between Amazing Grace and Conner's A-Maize-Ing Acres. The main reason we chose Amazing Grace was the slightly lower price, teacher discount, and the fact that we were a little uncomfortable with the Redneck Olympics at Conner's. Overall, it was a decent (and pricey) outing that was a little less than expected.

Historical Places - Mosquito County, Florida

I love it when people are literal in naming of places. Obvious names, like Steep Canyon, are more fun than British aristocratic names, like any number of Jamestowns. Even modern desires to somehow connect with ye olde England leads to stupid modern subdivision and cookie-cutter home names like The Kensington.

Brooklyn Cyclones Fitted Cap in Blue With White and Red Logo

Sorry, I don't have this hat available for you to purchase. That's what I was trying to do in order to play with the Bold City Cyclones of the Jacksonville MABL/MSBL. But it's not as easy as you might think to find some other city's obscure minor league team when you can barely find your own city's obscure minor league team gear at any stores.

X102.9 is Jacksonville's Alternative, Kinda -- And Now It's 106.5

I have to admit I listen to X102.9 in Jacksonville. The station goes out of its way to claim to be alternative. I like that. I listened to true alternative stations in Milwaukee and Kansas City, so I was hoping for a little more of that. X102.9 is kinda like those stations, but not quite. I knew this for sure when one of my son's fellow fourth-graders said this when we gave him a ride: "102nine; I love that station."

PO Problems: Dishwasher Disconnect

If you have a previous owner, then you have problems. Here's one of ours: the dishwasher disconnect.

Our inspector ran the dishwasher. I told him we wanted to make sure it was working, since the last house we'd bought and had inspected was lacking electricity to the kitchen. That was odd, but this house was newer and in a fancier neighborhood, so we did not expect anything odd at all when it came to the dishwasher.

Are There Any Rare Books at The Jacksonville Public Library?

I was doing research on local history, and I figured maybe the library would have some books for me. I was kind of right, maybe. I found a rare books page https://www.jaxpubliclibrary.org/rare-books-manuscripts . It seems to list a few books, but only a few. And all the links are dead. No pdf versions of the books or image galleries.

The Sketchy History of Fort Caroline

I took the tour of Fort Caroline with my kids' school. It was an interesting tour, but I wondered a bit at some of the history being taught, so I researched it on my own. Basically, it's a time of sketchy history, and probably the best accounts are buried in France or Spain, but I figured I'd weigh in on some what I learned.

Sandalwood Teacher Web Pages Make Me Wonder If That's The Place For My Kids

When I was teaching, I had possibly the best Language Arts (English) high school teacher website ever created: menofalls.com. It's gone now, but here's another one I created simultaneously for our department https://sites.google.com/site/brianjaegerenglish/ and another one I created so that I could use the computers the school district was implementing: https://sites.google.com/site/brianjaegerteachingpage/welcome 

Did Jacksonville Never Have Ice Hockey Before?

I saw this ad that I clicked on that was about the Jacksonville Icemen. The website seemed to be mostly about the legacy beginning, leading me to believe this is the initial year of the team.

This assumption was confirmed after some searching, though the city did have a hockey team named the Lizard Kings for about five years. After reading a bit about the history of the ECHL, I have to wonder a bit about this whole minor league hockey thing.

If You Don't Like Players Kneeling, Read Before Burning

I'm not going to weigh in on the debate as to whether players for the Jaguars should kneel, stand awkwardly with arms locked, or stay in the locker room during the National Anthem.

Jacksonville Needs a Menards

I am from Wisconsin, home of the most coupon-using folks in the country. It's no wonder Kohl's is based in that state. Deals, rewards, "cash" and never a full-price item in the store. Menard's is the home improvement version of Kohl's, and we need one here in Jacksonville.

David Boynton Parkway - Monument Road

Driving along Monument Road in Jacksonville, I had seen the sign a few times. I finally decided to look him up, thinking maybe Pappy Boynton was the same as David Boynton. Apparently, George "Pappy" Boyington, one of my childhood heroes from watching reruns of Black Sheep Squadron, is not the namesake for the portion of Monument north of McCormick.

The parkway is also not named after the semi-famous Hawaiian who was
"a leading expert on the natural history of the Hawaiian island of Kauai" (Wikipedia).

Merrill McCormick Wonderwood What? One Road, Many Names

For about twelve miles from the St. Johns River to the Atlantic Ocean, a continuous road in Jacksonville changes names about as often is possible. In fact, I'll go ahead and wager it's the most changed street name in the country over a dozen miles. (As a side note, I'm wondering why St. Johns does not have an apostrophe, as it's not like there are multiple St. Johns. Or that Johns was John's name.) Anyhow, to the many-named road.

Helping Hands on Kernan And Why Some People Stop

I have always stopped for others in distress. I have yet to get mugged. On the other hand, I have yet to get paid in a Rolex like one guy I know. But I don't stop to help people in the hopes that they've got cash for me. I stop because I'd hope one of them will someday stop for my wife or kids when they are in need. So far, I've gotten to see some of the ups and downs of Jacksonville when it comes to stopping to help others.

Reality Theft: The Perception of Burglaries in Jacksonville

I get weekly offers from ADT, SafeTouch, Xfinity, and more, for security system installation and monitoring. My house came equipped with an alarm. I see SafeTouch ads every day when I watch my two hours of TV. I've even had the ADT guys show up at my house and ask if it was the cost or the fact that I'm not interested in protecting my family that kept me from buying their product. I told him I wasn't interested in protecting my family. But, in reality, I am interested in it. I'm not interested in scare tactics and negative perceptions dictating how I live, so are we safe here in Jacksonville? I used FBI crime statistics to see, and it's not really as bleak as those security salesmen might lead you to believe.

Jacksonville's Not Part of the Panhandle

This wasn't an obvious answer this morning as we discussed it. Technically, Florida does not look like a pan, so calling one part a panhandle is a little difficult to imagine. If we imagine Florida as a vacuum cleaner, does the handle stay the same? Or, if it's a fishing net, would the handle be the entire frame (all the way across)?

If There Aren't Any Panthers in North Carolina or Jaguars in North Florida, Then Why?

I get the Dolphins, Rays, Buccaneers, Marlins, Hurricanes, and even Seminoles (I thought they were all in Oklahoma, but there are still some in Florida). There's Heat, daily Lightning, and Magic at the theme parks. And Panthers. All of it's here, but not Jaguars. Conversely, North Carolina has no actual Panthers.

I'm Not Blaming Armada For This...

I don't know enough about the situation to blame anyone, so this is not an article complaining about Jacksonville Armada, only it kind of is. Here's the deal, or lack of deal: my kid plays soccer on a co-ed grade 5-8 team that plays against other such teams. These are private schools, most of which without their own fields. We're not ritzy schools with big-time donors, so we use public parks. However, the arrangement we had for the use of Ed Austin Park has dissolved under Armada rule.

Jacksonville's GIS Map Needs This Feature

My house did not flood during Hurricane Irma. We were in Evacuation Zone 1, and we got out of the area. However, that's not enough for me. I want to know if my housing investment is safe, and the best way to do it is to have more information about the flooding that did occur, possibly as an added layer on Jacksonville's fairly nice GIS mapping system.

More Evidence You Don't Want a Gas Station in Your Hood

I tried to write to developers and the city about a gas station at Kernan and McCormick in Jacksonville. Nobody responded, including my representatives in the city council, the developer who owns the property, and the builder who owns the adjacent property. I posted my letters and concerns on my other websites. Here's one of the articles.

A Newbie Experiences a Hurricane: Irma 2017

I remember when we were looking for possible locations to live, I had a list of worst-case scenarios. One was lack of water, having grown up in the Midwest right next to Lake Michigan. Florida has plenty of water, so no problem there. Lots and lots of water, in fact. I also didn't want earthquakes. That's not a problem. Hurricanes were on the list, too, but everyone kept saying Jacksonville almost always missed the big storm. The 100-year stats seemed to back that up.

Historical Flood Risk and Costs

I am sure 2017 will put Florida and Jacksonville back on top when it comes to flood risk and cost, but I thought it was interesting to see the historical data. Here's the top 30 as of 2016 with the total number of claims closed with FEMA payment and the total amount.

What's an Internet Cafe, By The Way?

I know nobody wants them in their neighborhood. I know there's possibly been some abuse of the law when it comes to them, including some significant charges against a local lawyer. But I just don't get what an internet cafe is in the first place. Or why anyone would want to go there. Then again, I don't get gambling in general, so a non-gambling version of gambling makes even less sense. These places are also called LAN cafes, gaming cafes, or cyber cafe.

Superheroes From Florida

I was reading about Moxie Girl, a superhero from right here in Jacksonville, who gets her powers from her afro-puff hair style, and it got me to thinking. First, I have really thick hair, and I wondered what it would look like if I let it keep growing. I'd probably have the power to mop up oil spills with it. Next, I wondered about the local superheroes.

Giant Pickup Trucks in Jacksonville

You've seen them. You might even own one. Giant pickup trucks. They are all over the place in Jacksonville, and I kind of wonder what the appeal might be. Actually, I saw one today and realized the appeal, since the guy who owned it was kind of a little fella, but the babe in the passenger seat was a real looker. I guess that's the point: if women in Jacksonville go for giant pickup trucks, then that's why there are so many around.

JAX Churches and Schools, Your Websites Need Help

I'm new to Jacksonville, but I can tell that it suffers from some of the same problems with website design that I've seen in the Midwest. Basically, you've got some really good and exorbitantly expensive websites for some churches and schools. Then you have the rest.

Ga-ga Ball is Sweeping Over Jacksonville

I have no evidence that Ga-ga (or Ga-ga Ball as my kids call it) is actually being played by thousands of kids in Jacksonville. I do know my kids play it at their school, so I decided to find out why. After researching the game, I can honestly say I still don't have a clue why it's the game of choice.

Do Little Kids Roll in the Grass in Jax?

I know there's some saying about red and dead or yellow and fellow, and I'll have to review it before a storm surge sends snakes into my yard. Right now, I just say, "See a snake, walk away." I think that should suffice most of the time. What I really wonder is whether little kids roll around in the grass like my kids did when they were toddlers.

Jacksonville, FL - The Worst Drinking Water?

You've probably seen the top 10 list of cities with the worst drinking water. Like the list that says Floridians are the worst drivers, this list is also flawed. Here's my explanation on my family blog.

Website Design in Jacksonville, Florida

Let's be honest: this website isn't all that great. It was easy to create using Blogger, but it has limitations. If you have a small business in Jacksonville, you might want to check out a newly-relocated business called Passive Ninja Web Design.

Passive Ninja works quickly to build or rebuild your website. All the major elements are part of the design:

• Mobile-friendly websites
• Integrated Google Map
• https security
• Easy to update
• Inviting design

Oh, and it's cheap. Not as cheap as a secretary setting up a Blogger website, but pretty cheap, starting at $500, and normally costing around $1,000.

And fast. A week or two, not several months.

In Jacksonville, all of Duval, The Beaches, Orange Park and Clay, St. Augustine and St. Johns. Here to serve you. 

Related Stories  Your Connection Is Not Secure: OH NO!  I Want to Build My Own Website But Don't Know Where to Start  Freelancer Nightmare: Unpaid Work

Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
McNewsy - Creative Writing
Educabana - Educational Resources
Brave New Church - Church Website Design
Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

Contact Me

Smart ASSet ASSessment of Florida Drivers is Half-ASS

We all like quick answers and someone else to analyze data for us. This includes the folks at local news networks, most of whom picked up the Smart Asset analysis of our country's worst drivers. If Florida news outlets want to know why some politicians get away with calling their reporting Fake News, then this is a classic example. Because this really is Fake News. Let's see why.

Welcome to New JAX Witty

Welcome to our website! Our goal at New Jax Witty is to provide articles of interest to people in Jacksonville, Florida. However, we are writing from a Midwestern perspective, having lived in Milwaukee, WI, and Lenexa (KC), Kansas. Having traveled to 46 of the lower 48 states also plays a role in how we see JAX. We'll add some reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law. This should be fun.