CEO of United Airlines Re-accommodates Some Sand

When the local news said that four homeowners who moved sand around on the beach to create a sand barrier in front of their homes included the CEO of United Airlines, I did a little research. Oscar Munoz owns what I assume is a vacation home (his office is in Chicago) worth over $6,000,000 in Ponte Vedra. He also paid $3.5 million for part of Oprah's old condo in Chicago. That's around $10,000,000 in housing, so being a CEO seems like a pretty good gig. And you probably get used to getting your way.

JEA Bill Flyer FAIL - River Clean Up, World Water Day, and a Free Tree

What do World Water Day and St. Johns River Cleanup Day have in common? Both of them were mentioned in my JEA bill flyer that I received on 3/29/2018 and that was billed on 3/23/2018. Actually, an Arbor Day free tree giveaway for Jax was also mentioned, so that's cool. The problem is, since these events had already taken place by the time I got the flyer, I participated in none of the events.

Ms. Senior Jacksonville - OK...

I saw and ad for a local news channel's Woman of the Week (which got me to wondering if there's a Man of the Week), and the woman who was chosen was affiliated with the Ms. Senior Jacksonville Pageant. I do not know anything about this particular pageant, but it did get me to wondering just a bit.

Ed Austin Regional Park - The Dunes

I know there are local Jacksonville names for bridges, parks, streets, and probably all kinds of other things I have yet to figure out. One such name that I'd like to address is The Dunes. Or maybe simply Dunes. It's Ed Austin Regional Park. I found the explanation at coj.net:

The City of Jacksonville purchased this 144-acre site in 1994, and was formerly the Dunes Golf course [...] Formerly known as District II Regional Park, it was renamed in May 2005 in honor of former Jacksonville Mayor Ed Austin.

My Alarm System Hard Wired Smoke Alarms Keep Chirping - Now What?

This is a specific problem you might run into if you purchased a home with an alarm system and hard-wired smoke alarms, and if you went and disconnected the alarm system. Or if you're thinking of disabling the alarm because it's just annoying, but you're worried about what might happen to your smoke detectors.

St. Johns, Not St. Jobs

Everyone wants to live in St. Johns County. Just like where I'm from, those people all say it's because of the schools. But that was supposed to be the purpose of consolidating Jacksonville's schools. Jacksonville went with an experiment that I actually would have thought might work, especially given the sheer distances created by making Jacksonville so huge. But it failed. Why? I'm not sure, but I'm still trying to figure out why so many people see St. Johns as the place to be.

First Project Volt, Then Projects Moon and Cart

What in the world is going on with Jax city government that we need code words for potential business development? As a naturally cynical person, I'm going to assume it's because if the names of the companies were disclosed, someone out there might argue against it because of the track record of the company. Or maybe all local governments work in secrecy.

Yes, There Are Supposed to be Signals at Kernan Forest Blvd and Kernan

I was at an HOA meeting tonight, and it surprised me when I asked about the widening of Kernan that the HOA did not seem to agree with one of the design elements I'd seen. The board members told me that there were no plans for traffic lights at Kernan Forest Boulevard and Kernan Boulevard, based on their own experiences with meetings and plans. However, the plans that are readily available online (and the only way I knew any information about the project), clearly show traffic signals at Kernan Forest, Running River, and Mastin Cove.

Same Birthday and Football Team = Happy Action Fun Time

I was watching Paternity Court, which is bad enough, but then the woman who was trying to prove the man in court was the man who made her a mommy said that she liked him because they shared a birthday and a favorite football team. Honestly, that might be enough for some people. Here's why it's not.

What is Your Quest? Crossing Jax Bridges

I was looking at some traffic data to see how busy my area of Jacksonville is when I came across the FDOT data for the area. After some playing around on the website, trying to find the busiest roads, I noticed that the bridges of Duval County are anything but serene. Let's do the math and figure out what it all means.

Based on 2016 data, here are the average daily traffic numbers for Jacksonville's bridges, starting from the north, including two bridges over the Trout River (first two) and three on the Ortega River. 107500 , 12900 , 73861, 72500, 52000, 12200, 30000, 159500, 5400, 43500, 22500, 137000, 47500. 

That's 776361 major bridge crossings per day, not including those over the Intracoastal. Actually, let's add those in. 23000, 51000, 42509, and 65500 = 958,370.

That means there are more major bridge crossings per day by vehicles than people in Jacksonville, or even Duval County. So what does it all mean? First, there's a lot of water here. Second, bridges must cost us a lot of money. Third, there must be a huge number of people who do not live in Duval County who use the bridges.

Jax Traffic Dames Point Bridge to 9B on The 295

If you're from out of town or live near me, the 295 is an important road. Here are the traffic cams from the Dames Point Bridge south to the 9B. Reload to see more current images.
Includes cams at the bridge, Merrill, Southside Connector, Monument, Atlantic, St. Johns Bluff, Beach, Town Center Parkway, JTB, and down past Baymeadows.  Enjoy.

Here's Why People Don't Invite News Crews Into Homes

I've seen a lot of people who tell news reporters to leave them alone, and many others who won't show their faces in interviews. Sometimes, I think it's silly, especially if you were just being interviewed about some random crime in the Walmart parking lot. Then again, there might be a time when you should have remained anonymous, like when you invite the news crew into your home to check out the mold in your bathroom.

$139,000 for Doors--What Could I Do For That?

So the Interior Department of our federal government is spending $139k for new doors for an office suite. That's a lot of money for new doors, so it's in the news. Granted, we're talking about an office with three sets of double doors, so that would be six doors. And locks were going to be added. And probably some money was going to sealing the areas that leak on the old doors. But it does get me to wondering what I could do for that money at my own office (I work from home).

Out of Town Zoo Membership?

We had a 100% zoo membership card when we moved to Jacksonville from another zoo. What that means is that some zoos would reciprocate 100% of the admission fees with that card, while others would do 50%. Jacksonville is a 50% zoo, meaning if you have a membership there, you get in ONLY at the JAX zoo for free, and ALL other zoos are 50%.

1 killed in shootout between 2 cars

The title of this article is the exact same one used by local news. I don't want to make light of the killing of a human being. However, I believe the title implies two cars were doing the shooting. And it got me to thinking. If the best way to protect ourselves in this country is to own a gun, and if only 1% of Jacksonvillians use mass transit, and if many of us keep guns in the glove compartment, and if AI cars are coming our way, why not?

A Woman Who Adopted Eight Kids?

The news was feeding me a good-news story about JSO giving out random gift cards to people, and the anchor mentioned that one of the recipients was a woman who had adopted eight children. I had so many questions, but that was the end of the story. I looked to see if I could find a story about 8 kids being adopted in the area, but all I could find is one about a local family that adopted six kids and already had two, for a total of eight.

Grenades and Moonshine: An Odd Combination

A guy with a local business was arrested for having both grenades and moonshine inside his establishment. I am not sure about the legality of owning either of these items. It's America, so I figure you can probably own both. Wait, you can't own a grenade, but you can own a grenade launcher. You can own a still, but you can't drink alcohol made in it. You can actually get a license to brew alcohol for your car, and I suppose some of this alcohol might spill into your mouth while filling the vehicle.

If You Want to Become a Web Designer, Read This

I bet there's some local kid from Jacksonville right now who's good with design skills and wants to build websites for a living. It's a possibility to make a career as a freelance web designer, but I'd recommend getting an education and going to work BEFORE jumping in.

Steel vs Sorghum - No Worries For Florida?

Let's assume we put huge tariffs on steel from China. It might mean pricier cars, soda cans, and other items that use cheap Chinese steel. Probably the device you're reading this on right now. It will be a true test of Americanism: are we willing to pay more money for the items we use every day? In theory, we might say we are fine with it. When China retaliates with tariffs on sorghum, that also won't seem like a big deal to us in Florida. The problem is that a trade war will affect more than those employed in steel and sorghum.

Welcome To JAX - Jury Duty

Hooray for me. It's Jury Duty Season in Jacksonville, and I have received my summons. It's right on the heels of seeing a news report about a guy with autism, the mind of a child, and the propensity for flying off the handle when not at home also getting jury duty. If his mom couldn't get him out of it, I guess I'm pretty well stuck doing my civic duty. While it's a hardship for me and I'm probably a horrible juror, my recent articles on The Second Amendment kind of make me a hypocrite if I try to get out of my civic duty as partially described in the Sixth Amendment.

Kids Soccer in JAX

I went to look for where my kids could play soccer in Jacksonville, but I realized the main website that I was led to has not been updated recently, as can be seen by the link out to Arlington FC's website (now the property of China, it seems). Let's take a look at the listed leagues and how they've changed. I am searching for a league for a girl age 11, so I'm skipping some. And I'm focusing on soccer, not mixed sports camps.

Everbank (Sorry, TIAA) Ticket Office?

When it comes to tickets for events, I like the face-to-face interaction of going to a ticket office. I only use Ticketmaster when no other options exist. I worked very hard to find out if Everbank Field has a manned ticket office, but I can't figure it out. On top of that, there's no good way to contact anyone.

Sponsorship Opportunity For Your Local Jax Business

I've played baseball for most of my life. The last couple decades have been in leagues where sponsors help the teams to defray costs in order to gain advertising. But that was all in Wisconsin. Now that I'm playing in Jacksonville, it appears as if sports teams are kind of on their own. My coach says that he's tried lots of potential corporate sponsors with no takers. They claim that everyone asks, so they don't want to be selective. More like they don't want my business. My last coach sometimes sponsored the team himself, figuring he could make some sales with insurance or financial advising. That didn't last, since only a few of us took him up on the offer, so we went to the default tavern sponsorship.

NRA / Republicans Look Like The Bad Guys After Another School Shooting, And There's a Good Reason Why

I kind of feel sorry for the NRA and its political action group known as Republicans. I am sure the NRA thought that mass shootings would just be a fad back when they began. One mass shooting every few years is, simply put, good for sales. Terrorist attacks, high crime rates, and insurance policies taken out on loved ones are also good for sales. The problem is that we've done such a good job as a nation to thwart terrorists and investigate insurance fraud, so it's mostly the fear of crime and mass shootings that drives the sales of guns. These new gun purchases, of course, lead to more crime and more mass shootings, and now we're stuck in this Catch-22. We all want guns to protect ourselves against all the other lunatics who have guns. But we also want to blame someone, and it's finally going to be that time for the NRA, gun manufacturers, and the Republican Party. Here's why.

Jacksonville Can Save Billions With One Clever Switcheroo

I think this is perfectly legal for Jacksonville to do, and it's an idea that could save the city billions of dollars over the next generation. Actually, it's so clever that someone will try to stop it from happening, so me writing about it is kind of dangerous. Except I can't get anyone in local government to answer emails, so I guess the internet gets to benefit from my ultimate brainstorm about JEA.

European Street Cafe Reviewed

The European Street Cafe in Jacksonville (Beach and University) is like if you took a street cafe from Europe, made the food bland for Americans, and stuck it on a busy street. I saw all these good reviews on Google, except for a couple of reviews that said it was nothing special, they use cheap potato chips, and the apples were brown. Bingo, that was our experience in a nutshell at this restaurant.

Is The Shoe Carnival Sweepstakes Legal?

I know there are all kinds of rules about sweepstakes. That companies have to allow people to NOT purchase items to enter, etc. And I also know it's not about the sweepstakes: it's about creating a mailing list. I just wonder if Shoe Carnival's new online gimmick is totally legal.

A Simple Solution to Pedestrian and Bike Safety Concerns

I know I’ve been raising my concerns about a gas station going in at McCormick and Kernan because it might detract from the neighborhood, but I’m not really a person who rails against every idea or thinks any new idea is a bad one. I sometimes even see a solution I can identify as the right idea. For example, there’s a really nice pedestrian and bike path along Kernan in Jacksonville that’s supposed to be even nicer when the road is widened. I think that’s great, and as I was driving on the road recently, I saw the way to make it at least a bit safer for those on foot or on bikes.

2 4 6 Whoppers Not 1 4 3

For fast-food vets, this is not a surprise. Two for $6 Whoppers does not translate to each single Whopper costing $3. I saw a guy storming out of the Monument Burger King recently because he did not want an even number of the burgers. He was with a friend, and I assume they maybe wanted three total sandwiches for $9. But that's not how it works.

Best Example of Bush League News Yet

I thought I'd identified the formula for news reporting in Jacksonville, but then it took a turn for the stupid. A recent story about a woman who had relations with her best friend's teenage sons was disturbing enough, but the news took it a few steps lower.

Choice Comments About Jax

When I was looking into the possibility of moving to Jacksonville, I relied on Sperling's Best Places. The overall impression portrayed on this website are positives of an attractive downtown, a strong economy, and arts and culture; the negatives include the crime rate, growth and sprawl, and long commutes. The stats were useful, but the comments were kind of disheartening. I thought it might be useful to sift back through the comments about Jax so that someone also thinking about moving here can read the short version of praises and pot shots. I can't vouch for the accuracy of all the quotes, but I can give some perspective to some of them.

It's Easier Here

I don't make mistakes very often, if ever, but I misheard a story about Jacksonville's new slogan as being Jacksonville Beach's. Therefore, this is going to be one of those strikethrough articles I've often seen and never written. My old words in regular font, new ones in italics, and some stuff struck through. 

I learned that Jacksonville Beach has released a new city slogan, and I think it's a little vague, so maybe we should take a look to see what it really means. "It's easier here..."

Lower Your Insurance Rate in Florida With Progressive Snapshot

I have used Progressive's Snapshot three times now in order to get a lower insurance rate for myself and my wife. One of my most popular articles describes how to beat the system, in a sense. And it works, too, not because I scam or cheat or hack. It works because I consciously drive my best when I have the device in my car.

Wondering What Made Our Geese Get Louder

We've lived in Jacksonville for over six months. Geese are annoying here, like they were in Milwaukee. The main difference is that the geese never fly South from Jacksonville. At least they don't seem to fly anywhere. However, in the last week of January, 2018, the geese in our neighborhood suddenly and obviously got much louder (all night long), so what's the deal with that?

Florida One of a Few States With Lower Income Than Living Wage

I clicked on an article in my feed that talked about the living wage needed in all 50 states. The purpose was to show that some states required more than others for an average family to survive without assistance. While it's true that some states were much higher than others, those states tended to have pay that went along with the need. Florida, however, was not one of those states. In Florida, the living wage needed was higher than the one earned for a family of two adults and one child.

Who is J. Allen Axson?

This is a series New Jax Witty is undertaking in order to learn more about local history through the names used in public places around town. Today's mystery name is J. Allen Axson. There's an elementary school named after this individual, but I can find very little about him (I assume) online.

Best Deal on Propane in Jax

I don't know for sure if this is the best deal, but it felt like it, anyhow. The last time I needed a propane exchange, I went to Walgreens on McCormick and Monument, which advertised $20 outside but charged me $22 inside. I've seen plenty for $20, some for $22, but what about $15? Effectively, that's what I paid at Family Dollar.

A Garbage Bag Filled With Silver Pots

The Jacksonville IKEA was shut down because of a bomb threat that resulted in police spotting a suspicious garbage bag in the parking lot. It's a sad welcome to our city, but it's more the contents of the bag that interested me. The police spokesman said it was filled with silver pots.

East Arlington Income by Race

I was looking through my Jacksonville neighborhood on the statisticalatlas.com website when I saw something that was different from other neighborhoods in which I'd lived. While it's not necessarily true for Jacksonville as a whole, the East Arlington neighborhood has median incomes by race that was maybe surprising to those who don't live here. Whites are at the bottom of the median household income food chain in this area.

A Victim Speaking Spanish Makes An Investigation Complicated?

Someone was shot in the Sans Souci area of Jacksonville. I don't know if that's normal or not. What surprised me about the story was that the news said the police investigation was complicated because the victim did not speak English. It was called a challenge hurting the investigation, as well the police saying the investigation is "difficult because the victim does not speak English."

How Many Guns Again?

The news tonight said there had been almost 350 guns stolen in the first 10 months of 2017 in Jacksonville. A little math implies over 400 guns were stolen for the whole year. The news story suggested most of these guns were stolen from unlocked cars. While I've already written about car burglary, that was before I understood just how many guns were part of the equation.

Sunday Funday Sounds Like Fun

I guess I should have expected something like this existed around here, but it was still surprising to hear about it. Sunday Funday. It's not hanging out with friends watching the big game or going to the beach. According to an interview on the news after an unfortunate injury, Sunday Funday is going to church, riding motorcycles, and shooting guns. A recent Sunday's shooting fun resulted in several homes and a person getting shot. Fun.

Ollie's And The $50 Floor Repair: DIY Vinyl Flooring

When I as looking for houses in Jacksonville, I mentioned to my realtor that people here didn't seem to understand the simple formula I'd learned about selling a house. I've sold two houses that have increased in value by a lot. Both of those houses sold because of flooring, lighting, and paint. We're talking 10% increase in value per year for each house. Today, I'm going to show you how to increase the value of your home by  $2,000 to $5,000 for $50.

Arlington Country Day School Closed: Options?

If you're reading this Sunday night before your kids need to attend a new school because Arlington Country Day School closed last week, I feel for you. You weren't expecting to have to deal with this, and it's not your fault this happened. What are your options now? Let me tell you about Grace Lutheran in Arlington, just 15 minutes east of ACDS.

Franz Foreign Car Service Review

If you have an older foreign car, there are never too many options for getting the car fixed. Youtube  and forums have helped me quite a bit, and if you also own an older Saab, you know what I mean. That hesitation and cylinder error is likely a $50 part, not something catastrophic. As is the climate control problem. However, there are some issues that require pros with pro tools and experience. If you have a Saab in Jacksonville, that might include a trip to Franz Foreign Car Services.

Jobless Miss Jones, Action News Jax Explain Joblessness Situation

"I think the city's lacking a lot of jobs right now. We have a lot of jobs in one industry or the other."

In a story on Action News Jax discussing the city's desire to bring in a new company that would potentially create 800 jobs, the above quote was used to reinforce something or the other. The interviewee, Kallie or Mindy or Kitty Jones, seemed to agree that Jax needs a new company in town--Project Volt.

Why Would a Website About Jacksonville Get International Hits?

I've built all kinds of websites, and I've even targeted some specifically at other countries. However, New Jax Witty was built for a very specific niche, which is why I'm surprised at some of the early numbers that show more international views than expected. I know that it's probably spammers in most cases, but usually international spammers take longer to find a website, so I wonder what's up.

What If St. Augustine Asked Me To Add Context To Confederate Monuments?

Here's a thought. What if St. Augustine asked just regular people to help add the "context" that the city has deemed necessary in order to keep from moving Confederate monuments? The city has appointed some academics in order to do the job, and I can only imagine the meetings. Someone will quote Howard Zinn, and then another academic will attack that supposition. Another might want to bring up Winthrop Jordan's The White Man's Burden, which will also be shot down. Then another professor will quote his or her own book, and before long, each will in turn quote themselves. Most likely half of the profs will have copies of their treatises with them with pages pre-marked. And when it all shakes out, they won't have a better context than an average guy like me.

Sacksonville Should Prepare For the Worst; Hope For The Best

When it comes to sports, I'm more of a realist than a pessimist. There's a difference, but both philosophies point to the distinct possibility that Jacksonville will not be in the Super Bowl next year. When you finish second in the AFC only to Tom Brady (who has to retire eventually), you might think it makes you a shoe-in for next year. And that could very well be, but there's no guaranty, and it's certainly harder to make this whole Sacksonville thing into any kind of a dynasty. That's I was sad to see the team lose.

So DJ Easy E Made Up Duuuval Chant, But Did He Make Up His Name?

It's pretty bold to claim you coined a phrase, especially one that has suddenly become more popular because the Jags have figured out how to win some games. I'm not sure how many people would reach out to the local news in order to take credit for taking something others were already saying, but that's cool. I'll go ahead and take credit for 9-ohhh-fohhhhh right now.

The Official Sponsor of Jax

Is a city having a sponsor a thing? You know, like Everbank Field, only a whole city rather than a measly stadium. Actually, is there a real bank named Everbank? That's embarrassing to ask, but I've never seen an Everbank in any of the local mini-malls littered with 5/3s (how weird is that name?). But this article is not about the existence of Everbank as an actual bank or Fifth Third as an actual fraction. It's about whether or not JAX or Jacksonville has an official sponsor. Can a city have an official sponsor? And if not, can I just say New Jax Witty is the official sponsor?

Florida LCMS Churches: Read This

Example of an abandoned website

If you're a member of a Florida LCMS church, you'll want to check yourself out on this list. It's basically a free website evaluation of every LCMS church in the state. Some churches that belong to the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod in Florida do a good job when it comes to websites, and this article recognizes those efforts. Many more churches could use at least some help, but it's often something they can do on their own. Still others either lack a website completely or have let their old website get really, really old.

Top Ten Unexpected Costs of Living in Jacksonville, Florida

When you move to a brand new community, you will have unexpected expenses that are generally hidden from your accounting. While there may be some savings you've missed, the costs are the ones that annoy you. The online cost of living calculators can give you an idea of the disparities, but there are minor differences in living that will cost something that you will not be prepared for until you make the move. Here's my Top 10 for Jax (yours may differ). Also, these are in no particular order because that would be too much work.

Takeaways From Recent Power Posts

I read two very long articles recently about power in Florida, and it gave me a better understanding of the state of the state, though I'm still a bit concerned about whether it means anything to me or JEA. One article was specifically about Florida and the other was about the nation, but both make a difference for us in the Sunshine State.

Check Jacksonville GIS To See If You Live In A Regulation or Hazard Zone

COJ's GIS has all kinds of incomprehensible new features in its new Civil Planning Map. I'll focus on only a few right now, since I'm sure they might be related in some way. At least they are all in the same "Government" layer: CIV School Regulation Zone, MI School Regulation Zones, Civilian Height and Hazard Zones, and Military Height and Hazard Zones. What are they? Beats me, but I live in several, so it would be nice if I did know.

Magnolia Grove Subdivision Jax: What You Need To Know

Welcome home to the new Magnolia Grove subdivision on McCormick and Kernan in Jacksonville. KB Home has begun marketing the subdivision, which is right in my neck of the woods. Actually, the woods were torn down to make way for the houses, but it's right over there. So what do you need to know and ask before tossing your hard-earned money at one of these new homes?

100 Posts!

New Jax Witty has made it to 100 posts, give or take. Some are drafts or unpublished, but the idea is that it's roughly 100. No, you don't get a prize. Maybe a virtual high-five.

Who Needs A Co-Writer or Editor?

I don't love getting paid per hour for editing. I have more fun co-writing something, or just writing side-by-side with someone else who's creative. Currently, I'm taking up another songwriting challenge, trying to get some lyrics down for a friend to make a demo in a week. It's an assignment, but not one where I get fired if I fail. I think that most of the creative types in Jacksonville would want this kind of challenge, and I'm looking for the right people to work with, but I can also give you some advice if you want to search for a partner of your own.

Snow, Freezing Rain In Jax

Link to Slideshow
(Jacksonville.com)

Jacksonville is not immune to snow. It can happen, just like direct-hit hurricanes. But snow is rare. At least that's what everyone told us when we were considering a move here. Sure, you get some hurricane effects (rain) and the daily thunderstorm in the summer (more rain), but snow is once a lifetime or so, right? Let's take a look at Wikipedia to see:

AT&T Fiber: Faster Internet, Same AT&T

AT&T Fiber is fast. If you have access to it, look into it. Fast is good. Fast is not what happens if you need service or want your gift card for signing up. Then you get the normal AT&T you've known for years and that you swore you'd never go back to. Like that ex from high school that you see later on Facebook and think, "Two divorces don't really mean (s)he's still a possessive, overbearing psycho."

New Year's Isn't Independence Day, People

Back when we had a German intern living with us, I remember asking what New Year's was like over there. She mentioned fireworks. We said that in America, fireworks are biggest on the 4th of July, especially when you're talking about the kind people set off in their own yards. I did not realize that five months after Independence Day, Jacksonville citizens engage in a second yearly opportunity to maim themselves and frighten dogs / my wife.

Those Crazy Neighbors Were Running Their AC This Winter

Moving to Florida has provided me with new information all the time. One thing I could not understand is why my neighbor has been running his air conditioner when it's 40 degrees outside. It just didn't make any sense.

An Annotated List of Jax Meetups

I told my wife that she should look into a meetup in order to do something outside of the house. I have MABL baseball, and I will also eventually do my own meetup group of some sort. I also actually enjoy watching the kids play sports, so that kind of counts. When I looked into the local Jax groups that meet, I thought it might be useful to list them for others out there who do not want to waste time searching on Meetup. Then again, that's the single purpose of the website, so my list and comments might not help a whole lot, but I think it might be fun for me to vent a bit, since I've been a little frustrated for the past few years when it comes to these groups. I just got started with Meetups again in November, so I have not attended any actual meetings as of this writing, but I was a dedicated member of one group in Milwaukee, so I intend to join one of these and make it a thing in my life.

Hot Attraction: Blow Up Slides

Florida's sun can be unrelenting. If you are planning on renting a giant slide like the one pictured here, you will need to figure out how to deal with the sun. The tree in this photo had little effect on the slide, and it's obviously higher than the adjacent building. Therefore, when my kids went down this slide after noon, it had been heating up all day, and the slide itself actually left burn marks on the kids.

Luminaries: A New Old Christmas Tradition in Florida

When we exited our Christmas Eve church service this year, the walkways were lined with paper bags with candles inside. One of the other church members identified the objects as luminaries, but I was interested in the birth of this Christmas tradition. It was not something we saw in Wisconsin, and not something we noticed in Kansas, so I wondered how the tradition got started.

Baseball Field Fiasco

I thought it was just a fluke when I showed up to Woodstock Park and it looked like a farm field fit for a concert rather than a baseball diamond. I figured the field had been out of the rotation for a while, and maybe the person in charge of the field needed to get back in mid-season form. But it was also kind of a known concern. I'd been told going in to bring my own chair for the dugout. But that was the worst experience at the worst field, so no biggie.

Uses For Amazon Locker

I saw my first Amazon Locker at a Speedway on Merril by the 295, and I was wondering what these electronic lockers are for. Instead of looking it up, let's just take some guesses at it, shall we?

Funny News Stories in Jacksonville, Florida

I was searching for this website by using terms that had to do with funny news stories in Jax, but then I realized that I'd never really claimed that my own articles would be all that humorous. I'm not saying my writing isn't hilarious, but most people who write stories don't try to convince others their writing is entertaining... it's usually a natural discovery. Furthermore, I don't even try to be all that comical all the time, but even then, our brand of news is better than reading a newspaper with all those facts and ink.

Apparently, Artesians Helped Build The Navy's Newest Ship

I'm not sure who Artesians are, but they played a role in building the newest ship that will be stationed at Mayport. Perhaps they are people from Artesia, California. It's a town in southern Los Angeles county of about 17,000 people. However, there is no shipyard in Artesia. Artesia, New Mexico, also does not build ships, but the oil and gas industry is big there, and the USS Little Rock probably uses a lot of fuel.

Here's Why A Certified Teacher Probably Won't Be A Substitute In Jacksonville

I don't think I'm currently licensed in Wisconsin as a teacher anymore. However, I'm not entirely sure, since Governor Scott Walker wanted to make my teaching license a lifetime one, partially as a result of the teacher shortage in my home state (caused by the policies of Scott Walker, but the that's a long story). Either way, I have a degree, a teacher certification, and nearly double the college credits of most people with a Bachelor's degree. But I don't think I'll be signing up to substitute teach in Jacksonville any time soon.

Suing School Over Not Hearing About An Injury?

A local news story goes something like this: girl is injured in gym class; girl gets ice for her wrist; girl shows up at home hours later; wrist is broken; mom gets upset.

I AM For Real, Mostly

Someone reading New Jax Witty, and maybe even perusing some of my other content online, might ask whether this is all for real. Am I just some crotchety, uppity, cynical jerk who thinks everyone else is wrong all the time? Am I some recluse who hates the world? Do I think I'm better than everyone else? Do I dislike Jacksonville? The short answer is NO. I just have ideas, sometimes good ones, and I can't stop writing.

Why Rome, Italy, and The Villages, FL, Are Similar, And Why It Matters

Ah, Rome. I was there back in 1999, and it was a treasured three days. The architecture, the art, the history, and the awful smell of air pollution. And what city in the United States reminds me the most of Rome? It's The Villages, Florida.

Pit Sisters: Really?

I've made my argument against pit bulls. I don't like the dogs, and I don't like them living near me. Kind of like alligators. And just like I would not really want to see an alligator center that rehabilitates and releases gators, an organization that rehabs pit bulls that have actually been in fights seems like a bad idea.

Make Sure You Have a Working License Plate Light

I've seen plenty of cars with fog lights burned out, and a decent number with headlights out. Maybe fewer with brake lights out, but you get the picture. There's always a percentage of people with some kind of light out. I'm here to remind you about one little light that probably doesn't have a warning when it's out but will get you pulled over just as quickly by police officers looking to pull you over: the license plate light.

A Culver's For Kernan and McCormick in Jax

I've written about how we don't need another gas station on Kernan and McCormick. I've even suggested a few options that would be local destinations, closed at a decent time. The best of these options is a Culver's.

Democracy Dies In Darkness at Jacksonville.com

I read a lot of news online. I'm not unique, either. People are always reading their news feeds for weather, traffic, sports, and other interests. I'd like to know the local news, too, especially since I'm trying to write about my experiences here. The problem is that Jacksonville.com wants me to answer a survey of six or fewer questions. Therefore, I won't read the article.

I Wonder Why Alleys Don't Exist in Jax

A street in Jax - No driveway and no alley

I can't say definitively that there are no alleys in Jacksonville, but I spent nearly 15 minutes on Google Maps looking for any sign of these driveway/roads that were a staple in Milwaukee, and I could not find any sign of them. Not in the "urban core," not in San Marco, and not in any other part of town that reminded me of the higher population density areas of my hometown. This quick search led me to wonder whether or not alleys exist at all in the area, but it also got me to wondering about the purpose and existence of alleys or alleyways.

What Does it Mean When an Adult Has "The Mind of a Teen"?

I really hope the police find the woman from the area who has gone missing. What I have wondered about is the description of her as having the mind of a teen. What does that mean, exactly? When I was a teen, I was basically a freshman in high school. I was with my friends when we walked around and THEY made some bad decisions, like stealing hood ornaments off cars. I thought it was kind of goofy and irresponsible, and I suppose I was guilty by association, but that's the extent to which we were incapable of appropriate decision-making.

Note to Jax Drivers: Turn Signals Serve a Purpose

Turn signals, flashers, turn indicators, directionals, signal lamps--whatever you call them, they do serve an actual purpose, so I am pleading with Jacksonville drivers to use your turn signals. The primary purpose of these lights on vehicles is TO LET OTHERS KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING. It's wonderful that you already know where you're going, and that's actually half the battle for me as I get used to such situations as Atlantic Blvd becoming Arlington Expy, which crosses Arlington Rd which crosses Atlantic Blvd. If you're lost, like I am half the time, then I understand, but for those of you who just don't feel like letting the rest of us know your intentions, please reconsider.

Jacksonville Actors and Actresses, Let's Help Each Other

I'm always trying to come up with new ways to sell my stories. I've written two movies, a musical play, and I'm still working on a novel. Maybe I'll never make it big, but I do know that connections help. I've looked into the local Jax writing and film scene on Meetup, and I've come up fairly empty so far, so I figured I'd put this post out there.

FEMA Going Door to Door After Hurricane in JAX

Someone was complaining on the Nextdoor site about FEMA workers going door to door. She said there's no way FEMA does that. Then some other people weighed in, both for and against. It does not appear anyone bothered to visit the FEMA website, which clearly stated there were Disaster Survivor Teams walking neighborhoods in Jacksonville.

Vocal Minorities And Newscasts

I found this cool book about human psychology that talked about vocal minorities. The authors argued that fringe groups were able to get heard and get changes made because they were basically loud, which made people in the center (politically) believe those groups were an important part of decision-making. Recent events at UNF have once again proved this theory.

How NOT to Handle Customer Complaints: ABC Fine Wine and Spirits

This is a fairly simple customer service story. Just in case any of you are business owners in the Jacksonville area, I wanted to share it with you so that you could see how badly you can look when you decide to worry more about who might be trying to take advantage of you rather than how your customer feels about the experience at your store, as in you taking advantage of him.

Boom Goes The Dynamite: Why Bad Newscasts Are Fun

I'm not going to call out anyone specifically in Jacksonville. I know one newscaster I watch misspeaks more than any mainstream newscaster I've seen, but I grew up in Milwaukee's market, ranked #35, and then moved to KC, ranked #33. Jacksonville just broke into the top 50, so it makes sense that the newscasters would be more like I would have seen while traveling to places like Norfolk, Harrisburg, Grand Rapids, Birmingham, Greensboro, Albuquerque, Louisville, New Orleans, or Memphis. Newscasters who were dynamic and precise went to bigger markets from Milwaukee. It's a minor league kind of thing, with the stars often leaving markets like MKE for Chicago.

Seeing a Broken-Down Penske Truck Reminded Me: Don't Rent From Penske

I recently wrote an article about why renting from Penske cost a lot more in the long run. While Penske's competitors both rented me trucks that were older and had AC units that crapped out on the trip, Penske alone made me pay for a truck that leaked in during a rain storm, which ended up costing a lot more in the long run, especially since the company has ignored complaints.

Emissions Testing Coming Back to Jax

No, I'm kidding. At least I'm pretty sure we're safe around here, but I thought it would be interesting to revisit the program in order to discuss one of the ways Milwaukee is disappointing compared to the other places I've lived because of this one issue: the emissions test.

Birds As Pets In Jax

OK, I don't know if bird ownership is higher in Florida than any other state. One website called that information a premium statistic and wanted me to buy it. No, not that important to me. The only reason I ask is because I just saw one of my neighbors walking by with what appeared to be something in between a parakeet and a parrot on her shoulder.

Will Jacksonville TV and News Be Affected By New FCC Rules?

The new FCC rules relax some rules for local stations. From what I can tell, the two that might affect Jacksonville the most would be these:

Common ownership of two of the top four TV stations in the same market, subject to a “case-by-case” review by the FCC.

and

Common ownership of a newspaper and a broadcast station in the same market

A 37 Year-Old Nazi at UNF Has Some Options

I don't want to antagonize any Nazis, especially those with assault rifles. That's certainly not the intent of this article. I just wanted to remind all prospective college students, especially ones in their 30s, that colleges do offer courses online, and that might be a better fit for you.

I went back for my Masters in my mid-20s. To be honest, college life was not for me at that point. Going out to frat parties, drinking hard liquor from a beer bong, dancing on video in dorm rooms, and generally not remembering weekends had lost the appeal. Don't get me wrong, I met my wife there, so I understand the desire for an older man to be on a college campus, but online dating sites are more efficient today than back then

Here's Why I Didn't Take My Family To The Fair This Year

Crime and perception of crime are basically the same thing to an outsider. Since I don't know the area near Duval's Fairgrounds, when I hear that shootings are happening within earshot of the fair and fights inside, I don't bring my family. After using Google Streetview and getting a better feel for the area, I now understand that the reason for my apprehension is slightly unfounded, but I'm still not sure for next year, since we all have the right to avoid becoming victims.

Not That I'm Looking For a Life Coach, But What's The Deal With Transform Your Life Today?

My sister is a life coach, so if I needed one, I'd ask her. I built her a life-coaching website that she has yet to use, and I decided to see how the local versions stack up. Well, the FIRST life coach website listed by Google for me has a website, almost.

Is YIMBY Right For JAX?

When it comes to housing and economic development, NIMBY is often the word used. It means Not In My Back Yard, and you've probably felt this way at some point. I was surprised to see that another city that's experiencing growing pains is embracing something called YIMBY, or Yes In My Back Yard.

What Kind of Driving Should We Expect From JSO?

Today at around 11:40am, I saw two Jacksonville Sheriff vehicles either responding to a crime or committing ones, but I'm not really sure how to figure it out. I was on Monument Road, nearly to McCormick, and a JSO vehicle pulled up alongside my car very quickly, nearly hitting the car in the left lane. Then the officer tailgated the driver in front of him until that driver pulled into my lane. I figured the officer was responding to a call, an assumption seemingly confirmed by another JSO vehicle heading west on McCormick towards Monument about two minutes later. The second police car had lights on but not the siren, so maybe both of these cars were responding silently to a break-in or something.

Flag Etiquette Lessons With Lenny

I stand and cover my heart for the pledge and the anthem. I think it's stupid to do otherwise. The US Constitution protects the right for a lot of people to do a lot of stupid things. I am a Constitutional Conservative, so I respect the wisdom of our Founders.

Jacksonville Mayor Lenny Curry said this about flag etiquette, and it got me a bit worried.

Brian Jaeger Named Jacksonville, Florida, Poet Laureate

I know, you're not really supposed to give yourself titles, but it's a way to get your name out there. Like if you were the King of Used Cars something like that. Since no one else seems to have claimed the title of Jacksonville, Florida, Poet Laureate, I'll take it. Thanks.

Niche Websites and Evergreen Content

I keep telling myself that it's going to work out. I know what I'm supposed to do to get noticed online, I know how to get Google to index my articles, and I know how to write. There are glimmers of awesomeness, but nothing has really taken off like I'd hoped. If you're thinking about a website for a business, take some advice from someone who has certainly been there and done that.

Jacksonville Wins Library of the Year -- What's That Mean?

The Florida Library Association has presented Jacksonville's Public Library with the Library of the Year award, so I wanted to see what that meant. Here's the Jax library take on it:

Among more than 800 public, academic, school, and special libraries, Jacksonville Public Library was named Library of the Year this year by the Florida Library Association for demonstrating outstanding service to the community.

I wanted to see who has won this award in the past. Yes, I'm sure it's spread around, but 800 libraries IS a lot of competition, so it's a fairly big deal.

Are We Missing Out On Better Tomorrows?

I was thinking about the last two articles I wrote, and I realized that I needed a puff piece. I needed a "Better Tomorrows" kind of article. That's the saying one of the newscasters (Jerry Taff) in Milwaukee had when I was growing up. He usually said it right after the nightly puff story, and maybe it left all of us with a little more hope.

Ex-Military, PTSD, and Guns

This past week led me to consider who should have guns, assuming we want to limit the ownership to some degree. I assume most of us would agree that a man who killed over two dozen people at a church in Texas should not have had a gun, since his history included anger problems as a result of PTSD. It would appear that Jax has many current and former military residing in the area, so I know this is a topic of concern for the community.