Car Crashes into Sorority House; Not Exciting

Not a Jacksonville Sorority

I had visions of Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds dancing in my head when I heard that a car crashed into a local sorority house. I guess I was expecting too much, like that the car crash interrupted a pillow fight. Or that it was because of some kind of campus love triangle. Something titillating.

But this is Jacksonville.

Solar Panels Made in Jax and Installed by Local Crew

The title says it all. That's what I want, assuming I have the summer I am planning with work. We often talk about going local when it comes to produce, and there was always some talk of it back in Milwaukee (Harley-Davidson / Miller Brewing / Allen Edmonds / Koss / Master Lock / Generac...). But the South isn't a manufacturing hotbed, and I don't know if there's a commitment to go local when it comes to manufactured goods. In fact, going through the list of top employers, there's barely anything made here that's also for consumers (some business to business stuff). I guess SeaRay boats, but my cousin's husband works for Mercury Marine (Orlando area) and I don't want to own a boat. However, I do want to own solar panels, so when can that happen?

$100+ On Amazon Three Months Running

I really enjoy the idea of constant, recurring income. Just the thought that I might write songs now that will someday  help my wife go shopping at Kohls long after I'm gone makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Like a legacy without having to save for it. But it also feels like any good fortune you might have in this kind of income could easily be jinxed. That's why I have not taken the time to find out how I am currently making $100+ each month with Amazon as an author or associate, and I just hope my ignorance is bliss for months to come.

What's The Best Abduction Vehicle Name?

Last year, when I was driving back and forth between Kansas City and Jacksonville, everyone was looking for a Nissan Rogue driven by a teacher who went rogue with a student. It was an appropriately named vehicle for an abduction. With the recent possible abduction in a Chevrolet Captiva, which is also appropriately named, I began to wonder which vehicles have the best abduction names.


My own cars are an MKZ, 9-5, and X 1/9. None of these are any good, so don't worry about me. There isn't really a great place to find all makes and models of vehicles in one place online, so I'll do my best to list some vehicles that sound the part, but I'm missing plenty, I am sure. By the way, I absolutely do not endorse or condone abductions of any sort. And the cars listed have nothing to do with actual vehicles used in abductions.

Buick Centurion - Named after a commander in the Roman army, this is probably a decent name for a car in which to abduct someone.

Buick Enclave - I think that's the meaning they were going for.

Buick Rendezvous - Could you imagine a teenager meeting up with his or her teacher in a Buick Rendezvous? Oui, je peux.
Chevrolet Bolt - If you're going to run away with your favorite student, you're going to bolt. 
Chevrolet Cavalier - Someone who is cavalier shows a lack of proper concern, which would make sense
Chevrolet Citation - One definition of citation is a summons to appear in court, but some of the meanings are more positive. If I see some middle-aged guy driving around in a brand-new looking Citation, I get weirded out.
Dodge Stealth - When you abduct someone, you want to be stealthy about it.
Edsel Roundup - I guess.
Ford Escort - If you plan on escorting someone away from home, this car works, if you can get it started.
Ford Explorer - Explore your feelings and the country as you flee.
Ford Probe - Think alien abductions.
Jeep Wrangler - That's kind of the point.
Jeep Renegade - Like the Rogue, it has the feeling of someone who breakin the law.
Mitsubishi Mirage - It may not be stealth, but it's hard to find when you're on the run.
Plymouth Prowler - Probably the best name on the list.

Southern Living List of Bloggers in Jacksonville

It seems that Southern Living Magazine makes a list of top Bloggers to follow. I assume that since most magazines are just blogs with several authors, the fact is that most magazines are no longer really magazines, and authors aren't really journalists. 

It's not as if Southern Living is filled with poor writing. I actually wouldn't know for sure, since I have yet to read it. But let's assume it's like most other magazines, written by stay-at-home moms who are more clever than their counterparts who sell candles or jewelry at parties. 

The list of most important blogs to read more than likely gives a bonus to the top writers for the magazine, not an independent assessment of the best blogs in the South or in Jacksonville. So that's why I'm just mentioning my own blog as a top blog to read from Jacksonville, since I don't have a contract to write with Southern Living or Good Housekeeping or Ladies' Home Journal. Not even Cosmo. 

However, this is a top Jacksonville blog nonetheless. Because they all are. We all are. Anything that's more than just law firm or car ads adds to our community. Unless you're just a commenting troll on Jacksonville news sites. That's sad. Write a blog instead. 

Trick Question on Anatomy Test

This is one of those moments when I'm glad I'm not a teacher anymore. If you try to be funny or clever (and you're not careful), then you'll write something like this on a practice test (quoted from First Coast News):

Ursula was angry after her boyfriend broke up with her after having sex. To get revenge, she had sex with his best friend the next day. Ursula had a beautiful baby girl nine months later. Ursula has type O blood, her ex-boyfriend has type AB blood and his best friend is type A blood. If her baby daddy is her ex-boyfriend what could the possible blood type(s) of her baby NOT be.

The Number of Firetrucks Responding to a Fire

I know it's a big deal when there's a house on fire, and I can appreciate the desire to move an appropriate amount of resources to the fire in order to fight it and prevent others from occurring. But I have to wonder what constitutes an excessive amount of response. A recent Oakleaf Plantation house fire warranted "18 fire trucks and more than 45 firefighters," according to a local news site. If that's correct, I have to wonder if it's also right.

Free Review of Your Local Jacksonville Product

When you have a local blog, people want to get free advertising on your site. And the good kind, not an honest review from a paying customer. I remember when I worked on a student newspaper in Wisconsin, I'd get free items to to review. I think there was some kind of ethical such and such involved. But this isn't a student newspaper or a real newspaper. You give me something free, I'll use it and mention it. I won't lie, but I will carefully weigh any criticisms, unlike when I pay full price for something.

Not Having to Travel Very Far to go Anywhere

A woman interviewed about the large shopping development going in at the 9-B/I-95 interchange said she was excited about not having to travel very far to go anywhere. The problem is that anywhere, or nowhere, is what's being built.

JAX GIS Beats Homebuilders In Naming Streets

I'm not even sure if there are street signs up yet in Magnolia Grove near my house, but Jacksonville's GIS map has the street names in case you were wondering. Actually, I just used the GIS maps to help Google Maps add a few other streets, so using it is kind of like going right to the source.

Business Referrals in Jacksonville

I keep seeing planted ads in my Nextdoor email account, and it's annoying. I keep getting Alignable requests from when I lived in Kansas, too, and that's annoying. I don't like needing to figure out which of my websites will provide the best traction for an article, or trying to join the right Meetup group to get new jobs. Don't even mention Linkedin and social media. You probably don't like it, either, but we DO need those business referrals, right?

Confederate Memorial Day and Promposals - The Reasons We Still Read TKMB

To Kill a Mockingbird or NOT To Kill a Mockingbird? That is the question for lots of English teachers across the country, South or North. There are always some parents who want to ban the novel, yet each year I taught the thing, I always had plenty of current examples to go along with the story that took place in the 1930s for Pete's Sake!

Jacksonville Neighborhood Bill of Rights Means Something Or Other

While I don't appreciate the fact that several Jacksonville entities, including my aldermen, ignored emails from me, I can have some solace in the fact that there's a Jacksonville Neighborhood Bill of Rights. Right? Not really. It means that the HOA president can get emails answered, I suppose. But it's really a CITIZEN's Bill of Rights.

Dishwasher or Giant Drying Rack

Maybe this is a local Jax or FL thing. Two examples in less than a year make it more than a coincidence, I think.

Neighborhood Ponds--What Do They Do?

I read about the purpose of ponds on Jax's wastewater pages, but I still don't understand completely the pond in my backyard. I reached out to the email address listed, but I have not received a response after a week, so I figured I'd post the letter here. I've found that sometimes government employees spend time searching online rather than reading emails, and they will come across one of my articles and then contact me. If YOU happen to know the answers to my questions, even if you don't work for Jacksonville, Duval, or JEA, feel free to reach out to me. I think a lot of people in the area would like a better understanding of these ponds.

New Duval Superintendent of Schools Sought, Not That It Matters

I remember when the major Hollywood movies about fixing schools were big: Stand and Deliver, Lean on Me, Summer School. Oh, and Dangerous Minds and The Substitute. All stupid. Those weren't realistic, even if they were based on somewhat true stories. And a new superintendent coming in and fixing Duval County Schools isn't realistic, either, but I guess you gotta have one.

Review of Aquatics Camp at St. Johns River Base at Echockotee for Boys AND Girls

It's odd there isn't more about this aquatics camp near Orange Park online. The Scout River Base seems to have some reviews of its own, along with some reviews of the Aquatics Camp, but there's not a lot of buzz considering the cool factor associated with an aquatics camp like this for my kids. This review will continue to be updated as we go through the process of signing up and attending the camp. If we like it, then it will be a review that spans more than one year. This is for both boys and girls, Scouts and non-Scouts, though I am not sure how well it's advertised to the general public (and that's totally up to the Scouts to decide).

After Nine Months, Our First Back Yard Squirrels!

After 3/4 of a year, we have finally seen squirrels in our Florida back yard. I have wonder why we have not seen any until now and why we did finally see them in mid-April. After nearly a year of wondering where all the furry-tailed tree rats might be, three of them were hanging out in the trees and on the payset. In fact. one walked right past the patio door and looked in at us. So why now?

JAXEX at Craig - A Broken Noise Abatement System

After the third airplane flew right over my house today, I figured I'd let the folks over at JAXEX know that I know (or thought I knew) that the flight path is not over my house. I studied all kinds of maps before we moved here. Flood zones were important, but on this side of town, I felt like airport noise was just a much of a deal breaker. Supposedly, this wasn't going to happen here, but that third airplane was low enough that the pilot probably saw me give him the finger.

Are Jacksonville Home Buyers Looking For Big, Older Homes?

I was standing in a wonderful house north of Blue Cypress Park when one person in the conversation said that homes like the one we were in were taking off as far as demand and value. I totally believed her, and I think she said it was a realtor who had told her the information. I decided to take a look at recently sold homes to see if the data matched what we seemed to collectively believe in the conversation.

This Blog Can't Wait For HTTPS!

I spent a few minutes today looking at local Jacksonville blogs, and there was a noticeable problem with most of the websites, most of them Wordpress: https. I'm always surprised when I see a new Wordpress theme on a fully-updated website that is not secure, but it's more surprising as Google is saying Zero Hour for ssl is this summer. I think it's just a setting, people.

Jacksonville Influencers Read This

It used to be that good writing might get you noticed. Creative ideas or a new insight had a place. But you can look at Holloywood in order to realize it's more about who you know or who you are than how well you write. Apparently, online writing has become, at least in part, about the influencers, and if you consider yourself to be one of that group from Jax, then read some of my articles and influence away.

Key to Bank Robberies: Basic Transportation

In less than a year, I just saw the third report of a bank robber who left on foot after robbing a Jacksonville bank. I don't know what percentage of bank robbers get caught, but all three of the walking bank robbers got away as of the nightly news report. I wonder why that works.

Happy We're In Jacksonville This Winter, Or Spring

Sure, I can say some things about Jacksonville that make people wonder why we moved here. I think the world, and Jacksonville in particular, can be a better place, and I am always willing to offer free advice. However, this winter has not been kind to other regions of the country, and it continued into the spring.

Local Jacksonville Recording Artists, Anyone?

I've been working with a friend from Wisconsin who wants to record songs. I write lyrics, and I think I'm pretty good at it. He's a perfectionist who is busier than he thought he'd be. The result has been one song in almost a year, and he wants to rework that.

Fake Starbucks Coupon is Heartbreaking

Someone created a coupon for a free cup of coffee at Starbucks, but it was fake. When you scan the QR code, the N-word pops up on your phone. Supposedly, it was white supremacists, and it's probably idiotic enough to be their work. The surprising part to me was the reactions I saw on the nightly news.

Solutions to Potential Accidents

Jacksonville has plenty of potential problems on the road, especially the fast surface roads that are treated like mini-expressways. On my side of town, that's Beach, Atlantic, and McCormick. I decided to take one area of concern to me that I know well and suggest some solutions. While I know this has been looked at before and deemed un-fixable, I believe that the city might want to reconsider before someone gets into a major accident for lack of planning, which I would argue happens daily in Jax.

Your Broke-Ass Lincoln Will Never Get Fixed

Shana B says:
I would be more than happy to look into that for you Mr. J, what is your VIN?
Brian J says:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shana B says:
Mr. J, I do see the recall on your vehicle for the airbag inflator. We do not have parts at this time but we are working closely with our suppliers to try to expedite parts to repair the vehicles. You will receive a letter when parts are available instructing you to make an appointment at your dealership.
Brian J says:
OK, national site says there's no recall, And I've been waiting for three years. I guess it will get fixed after the fiery crash.

That's a real interaction between myself and Lincoln. I've been getting recall notices for several years now, and it's probably because I get a new one in each state I move to (two). But it also means that Lincoln is not doing enough. It's supposed to be a higher-end car brand, but those brands don't wait until enough people die before they fix a problem. A real high-end car brand would give me a loaner car until the dealership gets the parts. Or a new car. Something that isn't a potential death trap for three years.

I don't care if this is all Takata's fault. I hope several disgraced Japanese businessmen jumped off tall buildings because of this, but that still doesn't fix my car. Takata is out of business, and some people have gone broke, but that also does not fix my car. 

You know what will fix my car? If enough people die in MKZs, then it will get moved to the front of the airbag list. That's probably what happened with the Ford Ranger and Mazda pickup. But that's not a good reason to get moved to the top of the list. Someone in an MKZ needs to be the first to die in order to get the recall. I told my wife that old, slow Lincoln drivers have probably made them safer, even when there's an airbag disaster. Or the Lincoln airbag failure isn't as catastrophic for some reason. It doesn't matter. If these are all basically similar problems, the same deaths that happened in high-sales cars will eventually creep into lower-sales cars. Even ones driven by old people and my wife. 

My suggestion for any real automaker that wants to show it's more about customer satisfaction and safety than money is to replace my car or get me another car to use. This could come from Ford/Lincoln or a competitor. Or from a local dealership. That would be North Florida Lincoln or Bozard Lincoln. Feel free to offer me a safe car until you fix mine. It's not going to happen. I guess I'll just have to wait until the airbag fails so that I can sue Lincoln for not shifting into high gear to fulfill its contract with me as a customer. 

When I had recall problems with my Samsung washing machine, I made the decision that it would be my last major appliance from Samsung. I think three years is long enough to wait for Lincoln to make this whole airbag thing right. Unless something happens immediately, as in before our family trip this July, this will be the last Lincoln we own. I am sure that other manufacturers screwed up just as much, but I don't own those brands right now.

Even though the NHTSA website gave my car a pass (Ford did not), this is the recall info on the NHTSA website for my car:

January 11, 2018 NHTSA CAMPAIGN NUMBER: 18V046000
Passenger Frontal Air Bag Inflator May Explode
An inflator explosion may result in sharp metal fragments striking the driver or other occupants resulting in serious injury or death.

January 10, 2017 NHTSA CAMPAIGN NUMBER: 17V024000Passenger Frontal Air Bag Inflator May Rupture
An inflator rupture may result in metal fragments striking the vehicle occupants resulting in serious injury or death.

May 31, 2016 NHTSA CAMPAIGN NUMBER: 16V384000Passenger Frontal Air Bag Inflator May Rupture
An inflator rupture may result in metal fragments striking the vehicle occupants resulting in serious injury or death.

[UPDATE]

I'm going to start documenting all the instances that this airbag situation is affecting my family's life, since I've decided to at least not ride with front passengers in the MKZ.

4-24-18
I did not offer to go with my wife to Ulta. Ulta is not my favorite place by any means, but I normally would have gone.

6-4-18

I avoided using the car about a half dozen times, but it's a nicer car than my Saab, so I guess I chose shrapnel over safety some days. Got a recall notice that offers a loaner at $45 a day. We'll see if anyone is really willing to do this, since automakers have been fighting the idea since it was floated. Text message with chat buddy lady with local Lincoln dealership was worthless. Maybe by forcing the issue and actually asking for a loaner, I'll get on the top of the parts list.

A few hours later, and I already realize that I've been put on top of the marketing list, complete with another form letter email for my collection. But I won't relent on this one. Ford has decided to off $45 a day for me to not be able to sue the company for millions, so I will comply. I just hope I don't have to drive around in a Chrysler 200 or something awful.

Local Jax News Reporters Not To Go Bra-less to Support Protesting Teen

While it was never discussed in the news, I thought it might be interesting if local news reporters decided to not wear bras to support (pun intended) a local teen who was sent home from high school for doing the same thing. While the teenager's school dress code did not specifically bar bra-free females, she was told it was distracting. And it was.

MABL Turns 35+ in Jacksonville

Leg meets dry Jax grass

Hey Jacksonville weekend warriors, it might be time to un-retire the cleats one more time. The local MABL is trying to get a 35+ team going this year, and it will hopefully expand after that. Maybe even a league of our own, like Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell. Anyhow, if you're interested, you can find out more on the MABL page.

$1 To Walk on Jax Beach Pier?

My wife's uncle thought it was a scam. A hand-written sign near the entrance to the pier at Jacksonville Beach, charging $1 to walk on the pier. $3 to fish. We paid the money because they are from Wisconsin and don't get a chance to walk on an ocean pier very often. But I still wonder what the deal is, really. 

So This is What Oversized Means in a Home?

I got an update from Zillow and decided to check out a house in my neighborhood. It was the same house as ours, but something seemed different. Exact layout and room sizes, it seemed, but it just felt like a different house somehow (in the photos). Let's see if you can tell (it took my daughter about a half hour).

Paintballin JAX Style

I saw a report of a paintball fight in Jacksonville that resulted in damaged property and some arrests. One person interviewed claimed it was a new way of avoiding real gun violence. It's about as silly as Sunday Funday down in St. Johns County. But is it bad or wrong or illegal?

Jacksonville Law Families

Over many years in Milwaukee, it was Gillick, Murphy, Wicht & Prachthauser. 
And Murphy, Gillick, Wicht & Prachthauser
Maybe Gillick, Murphy, Gillick, Wicht, & Practhauser
Or just Murphy, Gillick & Wicht
Then Gillick, Wicht, Gillick & Graf
And Murphy & Prachthauser
But was it ever Gillick, Murphy, Gillick, Wicht, Graf & Prachthauser?
Or Habush, Habush & Davis
Before Habush, Habush, Davis & Rottier
Then Habush, Habush & Rottier 
Changing every couple of years. 

A Family Pass To State Parks With An Impossible Passport

OK, I'm not going to research this one entirely, but what was said on the news was so stupid that I needed to write it down. Supposedly, there's a new Passport program for Florida state parks, which sounds cool. You get a stamp for each state park you enter. OK so far. When you visit every one of the 164 state parks, then you get a family annual pass. Say what?

Jax Meth Lab Next To Police Headquarters

I wrote this story called "Deviant" with a main character (a social deviant) who moves in next door to the police headquarters in West Allis, WI. He taps into their router to view whatever he wants online, and he spies on what they're spying on (a hot girl in an apartment nearby). The story was supposed to have some irony. Just like the fact that the latest meth lab in town was right next door to Jacksonville police headquarters. But it doesn't really mean bad policing, though it could.

Annoying Neighbor - The Mighty Muffler

It's 7:45am on a Saturday, and I'm reminded of one type of annoying neighbor: the one who has a loud muffler. I'm already awake, so this isn't about me being woken up, but it's still a neighborhood nuisance. 

Dude, I Got This Sweet Idea To Get Rich!

Action News Jax finally did something beyond reporting what already happened. That's good news for residents of Jacksonville and very, very bad news for our mayor and everyone else looking to get rich off the sale of JEA. Keep in mind, I'm still cool with selling the utility, as long as we invest the money well. But that's not happening now, since there were too many little hands in the cookie jar.

If I Get Distracted By A Street Panhandler In A Law Firm Shirt, Who Do I Sue?

I understand the marketing. A law firm hands a homeless guy a t-shirt. Probably write it off as a donation. Probably feel good because they're providing clothing to someone, along with free advertising. Telling those of us who are oppressed or downtrodden that a lawyer in a white Maserati has our back. But this is a planted representative of the law firm, given a t-shirt specifically for advertising. OK, not exactly, but I bet some law firms have sued for whatever might distract a driver.

How To Lose At Lowes

Lowe's has been relatively disappointing as a home improvement destination for me, at least when it comes to sales. I know neither Lowe's nor Home Depot ever have sales anywhere near as good as Menard's did, but Lowe's seems to try a little more than HD with sales, which I appreciate. Scoring the sale items has been more hassle than it should be at the Jacksonville Lowe's stores.

Impressions of Magnolia Grove at Kernan and McCormick

I took the kids over to the new subdivision in the area in order to see the trends in new homes and neighborhoods. The basic takeaway is that we're happy to be in Kernan Forest, and this short review might help those of you considering the location.

Sumo Easter Celebration at East Pointe Church

I was driving with my family on Kernan on Easter Sunday after a walk in the park when I saw a police cruiser near the East Pointe Church. I figured the church was having some kind of afternoon Easter service and the cops were there for traffic control. The police force is used for church and school egress basically every day along Kernan, so it wasn't a surprise. However, a man wearing what appeared to be a sumo Mawashi was lying face down on a walkway near the church, so it didn't appear to be a normal Easter service. 

Cradle Creek Preserve, Eagles, and an iPhone

If you're looking for a quick hike through wild Florida close to Jacksonville, there are actually plenty of options. Cradle Creek Preserve is one opportunity you might want to try. It's similar to Castaway Island Preserve on the other side of the Intracoastal, just smaller.

Profiles in Courage: Corey Simma

I saw Corey's first weather broadcast back in December of 2017. He seemed to be just a little nervous, but I couldn't blame him for that. I would have been nervous, too, moving from Amarillo, TX, (ranked 131 in market size) to Jax and our ranking of 42. Sure, it's just a studio with a few cameras, but all those people watching probably gets heavy. Even on a weekend evening.

CEO of United Airlines Re-accommodates Some Sand

When the local news said that four homeowners who moved sand around on the beach to create a sand barrier in front of their homes included the CEO of United Airlines, I did a little research. Oscar Munoz owns what I assume is a vacation home (his office is in Chicago) worth over $6,000,000 in Ponte Vedra. He also paid $3.5 million for part of Oprah's old condo in Chicago. That's around $10,000,000 in housing, so being a CEO seems like a pretty good gig. And you probably get used to getting your way.

JEA Bill Flyer FAIL - River Clean Up, World Water Day, and a Free Tree

What do World Water Day and St. Johns River Cleanup Day have in common? Both of them were mentioned in my JEA bill flyer that I received on 3/29/2018 and that was billed on 3/23/2018. Actually, an Arbor Day free tree giveaway for Jax was also mentioned, so that's cool. The problem is, since these events had already taken place by the time I got the flyer, I participated in none of the events.

Ms. Senior Jacksonville - OK...

I saw and ad for a local news channel's Woman of the Week (which got me to wondering if there's a Man of the Week), and the woman who was chosen was affiliated with the Ms. Senior Jacksonville Pageant. I do not know anything about this particular pageant, but it did get me to wondering just a bit.

Ed Austin Regional Park - The Dunes

I know there are local Jacksonville names for bridges, parks, streets, and probably all kinds of other things I have yet to figure out. One such name that I'd like to address is The Dunes. Or maybe simply Dunes. It's Ed Austin Regional Park. I found the explanation at coj.net:

The City of Jacksonville purchased this 144-acre site in 1994, and was formerly the Dunes Golf course [...] Formerly known as District II Regional Park, it was renamed in May 2005 in honor of former Jacksonville Mayor Ed Austin.

My Alarm System Hard Wired Smoke Alarms Keep Chirping - Now What?

This is a specific problem you might run into if you purchased a home with an alarm system and hard-wired smoke alarms, and if you went and disconnected the alarm system. Or if you're thinking of disabling the alarm because it's just annoying, but you're worried about what might happen to your smoke detectors.

St. Johns, Not St. Jobs

Everyone wants to live in St. Johns County. Just like where I'm from, those people all say it's because of the schools. But that was supposed to be the purpose of consolidating Jacksonville's schools. Jacksonville went with an experiment that I actually would have thought might work, especially given the sheer distances created by making Jacksonville so huge. But it failed. Why? I'm not sure, but I'm still trying to figure out why so many people see St. Johns as the place to be.

First Project Volt, Then Projects Moon and Cart

What in the world is going on with Jax city government that we need code words for potential business development? As a naturally cynical person, I'm going to assume it's because if the names of the companies were disclosed, someone out there might argue against it because of the track record of the company. Or maybe all local governments work in secrecy.

Yes, There Are Supposed to be Signals at Kernan Forest Blvd and Kernan

I was at an HOA meeting tonight, and it surprised me when I asked about the widening of Kernan that the HOA did not seem to agree with one of the design elements I'd seen. The board members told me that there were no plans for traffic lights at Kernan Forest Boulevard and Kernan Boulevard, based on their own experiences with meetings and plans. However, the plans that are readily available online (and the only way I knew any information about the project), clearly show traffic signals at Kernan Forest, Running River, and Mastin Cove.

Same Birthday and Football Team = Happy Action Fun Time

I was watching Paternity Court, which is bad enough, but then the woman who was trying to prove the man in court was the man who made her a mommy said that she liked him because they shared a birthday and a favorite football team. Honestly, that might be enough for some people. Here's why it's not.

What is Your Quest? Crossing Jax Bridges

I was looking at some traffic data to see how busy my area of Jacksonville is when I came across the FDOT data for the area. After some playing around on the website, trying to find the busiest roads, I noticed that the bridges of Duval County are anything but serene. Let's do the math and figure out what it all means.

Based on 2016 data, here are the average daily traffic numbers for Jacksonville's bridges, starting from the north, including two bridges over the Trout River (first two) and three on the Ortega River. 107500 , 12900 , 73861, 72500, 52000, 12200, 30000, 159500, 5400, 43500, 22500, 137000, 47500. 

That's 776361 major bridge crossings per day, not including those over the Intracoastal. Actually, let's add those in. 23000, 51000, 42509, and 65500 = 958,370.

That means there are more major bridge crossings per day by vehicles than people in Jacksonville, or even Duval County. So what does it all mean? First, there's a lot of water here. Second, bridges must cost us a lot of money. Third, there must be a huge number of people who do not live in Duval County who use the bridges.

Jax Traffic Dames Point Bridge to 9B on The 295

If you're from out of town or live near me, the 295 is an important road. Here are the traffic cams from the Dames Point Bridge south to the 9B. Reload to see more current images.
Includes cams at the bridge, Merrill, Southside Connector, Monument, Atlantic, St. Johns Bluff, Beach, Town Center Parkway, JTB, and down past Baymeadows.  Enjoy.

Here's Why People Don't Invite News Crews Into Homes

I've seen a lot of people who tell news reporters to leave them alone, and many others who won't show their faces in interviews. Sometimes, I think it's silly, especially if you were just being interviewed about some random crime in the Walmart parking lot. Then again, there might be a time when you should have remained anonymous, like when you invite the news crew into your home to check out the mold in your bathroom.

$139,000 for Doors--What Could I Do For That?

So the Interior Department of our federal government is spending $139k for new doors for an office suite. That's a lot of money for new doors, so it's in the news. Granted, we're talking about an office with three sets of double doors, so that would be six doors. And locks were going to be added. And probably some money was going to sealing the areas that leak on the old doors. But it does get me to wondering what I could do for that money at my own office (I work from home).

Out of Town Zoo Membership?

We had a 100% zoo membership card when we moved to Jacksonville from another zoo. What that means is that some zoos would reciprocate 100% of the admission fees with that card, while others would do 50%. Jacksonville is a 50% zoo, meaning if you have a membership there, you get in ONLY at the JAX zoo for free, and ALL other zoos are 50%.

1 killed in shootout between 2 cars

The title of this article is the exact same one used by local news. I don't want to make light of the killing of a human being. However, I believe the title implies two cars were doing the shooting. And it got me to thinking. If the best way to protect ourselves in this country is to own a gun, and if only 1% of Jacksonvillians use mass transit, and if many of us keep guns in the glove compartment, and if AI cars are coming our way, why not?

A Woman Who Adopted Eight Kids?

The news was feeding me a good-news story about JSO giving out random gift cards to people, and the anchor mentioned that one of the recipients was a woman who had adopted eight children. I had so many questions, but that was the end of the story. I looked to see if I could find a story about 8 kids being adopted in the area, but all I could find is one about a local family that adopted six kids and already had two, for a total of eight.

Grenades and Moonshine: An Odd Combination

A guy with a local business was arrested for having both grenades and moonshine inside his establishment. I am not sure about the legality of owning either of these items. It's America, so I figure you can probably own both. Wait, you can't own a grenade, but you can own a grenade launcher. You can own a still, but you can't drink alcohol made in it. You can actually get a license to brew alcohol for your car, and I suppose some of this alcohol might spill into your mouth while filling the vehicle.

If You Want to Become a Web Designer, Read This

I bet there's some local kid from Jacksonville right now who's good with design skills and wants to build websites for a living. It's a possibility to make a career as a freelance web designer, but I'd recommend getting an education and going to work BEFORE jumping in.

Steel vs Sorghum - No Worries For Florida?

Let's assume we put huge tariffs on steel from China. It might mean pricier cars, soda cans, and other items that use cheap Chinese steel. Probably the device you're reading this on right now. It will be a true test of Americanism: are we willing to pay more money for the items we use every day? In theory, we might say we are fine with it. When China retaliates with tariffs on sorghum, that also won't seem like a big deal to us in Florida. The problem is that a trade war will affect more than those employed in steel and sorghum.

Welcome To JAX - Jury Duty

Hooray for me. It's Jury Duty Season in Jacksonville, and I have received my summons. It's right on the heels of seeing a news report about a guy with autism, the mind of a child, and the propensity for flying off the handle when not at home also getting jury duty. If his mom couldn't get him out of it, I guess I'm pretty well stuck doing my civic duty. While it's a hardship for me and I'm probably a horrible juror, my recent articles on The Second Amendment kind of make me a hypocrite if I try to get out of my civic duty as partially described in the Sixth Amendment.

Kids Soccer in JAX

I went to look for where my kids could play soccer in Jacksonville, but I realized the main website that I was led to has not been updated recently, as can be seen by the link out to Arlington FC's website (now the property of China, it seems). Let's take a look at the listed leagues and how they've changed. I am searching for a league for a girl age 11, so I'm skipping some. And I'm focusing on soccer, not mixed sports camps.

Everbank (Sorry, TIAA) Ticket Office?

When it comes to tickets for events, I like the face-to-face interaction of going to a ticket office. I only use Ticketmaster when no other options exist. I worked very hard to find out if Everbank Field has a manned ticket office, but I can't figure it out. On top of that, there's no good way to contact anyone.

Sponsorship Opportunity For Your Local Jax Business

I've played baseball for most of my life. The last couple decades have been in leagues where sponsors help the teams to defray costs in order to gain advertising. But that was all in Wisconsin. Now that I'm playing in Jacksonville, it appears as if sports teams are kind of on their own. My coach says that he's tried lots of potential corporate sponsors with no takers. They claim that everyone asks, so they don't want to be selective. More like they don't want my business. My last coach sometimes sponsored the team himself, figuring he could make some sales with insurance or financial advising. That didn't last, since only a few of us took him up on the offer, so we went to the default tavern sponsorship.

NRA / Republicans Look Like The Bad Guys After Another School Shooting, And There's a Good Reason Why

I kind of feel sorry for the NRA and its political action group known as Republicans. I am sure the NRA thought that mass shootings would just be a fad back when they began. One mass shooting every few years is, simply put, good for sales. Terrorist attacks, high crime rates, and insurance policies taken out on loved ones are also good for sales. The problem is that we've done such a good job as a nation to thwart terrorists and investigate insurance fraud, so it's mostly the fear of crime and mass shootings that drives the sales of guns. These new gun purchases, of course, lead to more crime and more mass shootings, and now we're stuck in this Catch-22. We all want guns to protect ourselves against all the other lunatics who have guns. But we also want to blame someone, and it's finally going to be that time for the NRA, gun manufacturers, and the Republican Party. Here's why.

Jacksonville Can Save Billions With One Clever Switcheroo

I think this is perfectly legal for Jacksonville to do, and it's an idea that could save the city billions of dollars over the next generation. Actually, it's so clever that someone will try to stop it from happening, so me writing about it is kind of dangerous. Except I can't get anyone in local government to answer emails, so I guess the internet gets to benefit from my ultimate brainstorm about JEA.

European Street Cafe Reviewed

The European Street Cafe in Jacksonville (Beach and University) is like if you took a street cafe from Europe, made the food bland for Americans, and stuck it on a busy street. I saw all these good reviews on Google, except for a couple of reviews that said it was nothing special, they use cheap potato chips, and the apples were brown. Bingo, that was our experience in a nutshell at this restaurant.

Is The Shoe Carnival Sweepstakes Legal?

I know there are all kinds of rules about sweepstakes. That companies have to allow people to NOT purchase items to enter, etc. And I also know it's not about the sweepstakes: it's about creating a mailing list. I just wonder if Shoe Carnival's new online gimmick is totally legal.

A Simple Solution to Pedestrian and Bike Safety Concerns

I know I’ve been raising my concerns about a gas station going in at McCormick and Kernan because it might detract from the neighborhood, but I’m not really a person who rails against every idea or thinks any new idea is a bad one. I sometimes even see a solution I can identify as the right idea. For example, there’s a really nice pedestrian and bike path along Kernan in Jacksonville that’s supposed to be even nicer when the road is widened. I think that’s great, and as I was driving on the road recently, I saw the way to make it at least a bit safer for those on foot or on bikes.

2 4 6 Whoppers Not 1 4 3

For fast-food vets, this is not a surprise. Two for $6 Whoppers does not translate to each single Whopper costing $3. I saw a guy storming out of the Monument Burger King recently because he did not want an even number of the burgers. He was with a friend, and I assume they maybe wanted three total sandwiches for $9. But that's not how it works.

Best Example of Bush League News Yet

I thought I'd identified the formula for news reporting in Jacksonville, but then it took a turn for the stupid. A recent story about a woman who had relations with her best friend's teenage sons was disturbing enough, but the news took it a few steps lower.

Choice Comments About Jax

When I was looking into the possibility of moving to Jacksonville, I relied on Sperling's Best Places. The overall impression portrayed on this website are positives of an attractive downtown, a strong economy, and arts and culture; the negatives include the crime rate, growth and sprawl, and long commutes. The stats were useful, but the comments were kind of disheartening. I thought it might be useful to sift back through the comments about Jax so that someone also thinking about moving here can read the short version of praises and pot shots. I can't vouch for the accuracy of all the quotes, but I can give some perspective to some of them.

It's Easier Here

I don't make mistakes very often, if ever, but I misheard a story about Jacksonville's new slogan as being Jacksonville Beach's. Therefore, this is going to be one of those strikethrough articles I've often seen and never written. My old words in regular font, new ones in italics, and some stuff struck through. 

I learned that Jacksonville Beach has released a new city slogan, and I think it's a little vague, so maybe we should take a look to see what it really means. "It's easier here..."

Lower Your Insurance Rate in Florida With Progressive Snapshot

I have used Progressive's Snapshot three times now in order to get a lower insurance rate for myself and my wife. One of my most popular articles describes how to beat the system, in a sense. And it works, too, not because I scam or cheat or hack. It works because I consciously drive my best when I have the device in my car.

Wondering What Made Our Geese Get Louder

We've lived in Jacksonville for over six months. Geese are annoying here, like they were in Milwaukee. The main difference is that the geese never fly South from Jacksonville. At least they don't seem to fly anywhere. However, in the last week of January, 2018, the geese in our neighborhood suddenly and obviously got much louder (all night long), so what's the deal with that?

Florida One of a Few States With Lower Income Than Living Wage

I clicked on an article in my feed that talked about the living wage needed in all 50 states. The purpose was to show that some states required more than others for an average family to survive without assistance. While it's true that some states were much higher than others, those states tended to have pay that went along with the need. Florida, however, was not one of those states. In Florida, the living wage needed was higher than the one earned for a family of two adults and one child.

Who is J. Allen Axson?

This is a series New Jax Witty is undertaking in order to learn more about local history through the names used in public places around town. Today's mystery name is J. Allen Axson. There's an elementary school named after this individual, but I can find very little about him (I assume) online.

Best Deal on Propane in Jax

I don't know for sure if this is the best deal, but it felt like it, anyhow. The last time I needed a propane exchange, I went to Walgreens on McCormick and Monument, which advertised $20 outside but charged me $22 inside. I've seen plenty for $20, some for $22, but what about $15? Effectively, that's what I paid at Family Dollar.

A Garbage Bag Filled With Silver Pots

The Jacksonville IKEA was shut down because of a bomb threat that resulted in police spotting a suspicious garbage bag in the parking lot. It's a sad welcome to our city, but it's more the contents of the bag that interested me. The police spokesman said it was filled with silver pots.

East Arlington Income by Race

I was looking through my Jacksonville neighborhood on the statisticalatlas.com website when I saw something that was different from other neighborhoods in which I'd lived. While it's not necessarily true for Jacksonville as a whole, the East Arlington neighborhood has median incomes by race that was maybe surprising to those who don't live here. Whites are at the bottom of the median household income food chain in this area.

A Victim Speaking Spanish Makes An Investigation Complicated?

Someone was shot in the Sans Souci area of Jacksonville. I don't know if that's normal or not. What surprised me about the story was that the news said the police investigation was complicated because the victim did not speak English. It was called a challenge hurting the investigation, as well the police saying the investigation is "difficult because the victim does not speak English."

How Many Guns Again?

The news tonight said there had been almost 350 guns stolen in the first 10 months of 2017 in Jacksonville. A little math implies over 400 guns were stolen for the whole year. The news story suggested most of these guns were stolen from unlocked cars. While I've already written about car burglary, that was before I understood just how many guns were part of the equation.

Sunday Funday Sounds Like Fun

I guess I should have expected something like this existed around here, but it was still surprising to hear about it. Sunday Funday. It's not hanging out with friends watching the big game or going to the beach. According to an interview on the news after an unfortunate injury, Sunday Funday is going to church, riding motorcycles, and shooting guns. A recent Sunday's shooting fun resulted in several homes and a person getting shot. Fun.

Ollie's And The $50 Floor Repair: DIY Vinyl Flooring

When I as looking for houses in Jacksonville, I mentioned to my realtor that people here didn't seem to understand the simple formula I'd learned about selling a house. I've sold two houses that have increased in value by a lot. Both of those houses sold because of flooring, lighting, and paint. We're talking 10% increase in value per year for each house. Today, I'm going to show you how to increase the value of your home by  $2,000 to $5,000 for $50.

Arlington Country Day School Closed: Options?

If you're reading this Sunday night before your kids need to attend a new school because Arlington Country Day School closed last week, I feel for you. You weren't expecting to have to deal with this, and it's not your fault this happened. What are your options now? Let me tell you about Grace Lutheran in Arlington, just 15 minutes east of ACDS.

Franz Foreign Car Service Review

If you have an older foreign car, there are never too many options for getting the car fixed. Youtube  and forums have helped me quite a bit, and if you also own an older Saab, you know what I mean. That hesitation and cylinder error is likely a $50 part, not something catastrophic. As is the climate control problem. However, there are some issues that require pros with pro tools and experience. If you have a Saab in Jacksonville, that might include a trip to Franz Foreign Car Services.

Jobless Miss Jones, Action News Jax Explain Joblessness Situation

"I think the city's lacking a lot of jobs right now. We have a lot of jobs in one industry or the other."

In a story on Action News Jax discussing the city's desire to bring in a new company that would potentially create 800 jobs, the above quote was used to reinforce something or the other. The interviewee, Kallie or Mindy or Kitty Jones, seemed to agree that Jax needs a new company in town--Project Volt.

Why Would a Website About Jacksonville Get International Hits?

I've built all kinds of websites, and I've even targeted some specifically at other countries. However, New Jax Witty was built for a very specific niche, which is why I'm surprised at some of the early numbers that show more international views than expected. I know that it's probably spammers in most cases, but usually international spammers take longer to find a website, so I wonder what's up.

What If St. Augustine Asked Me To Add Context To Confederate Monuments?

Here's a thought. What if St. Augustine asked just regular people to help add the "context" that the city has deemed necessary in order to keep from moving Confederate monuments? The city has appointed some academics in order to do the job, and I can only imagine the meetings. Someone will quote Howard Zinn, and then another academic will attack that supposition. Another might want to bring up Winthrop Jordan's The White Man's Burden, which will also be shot down. Then another professor will quote his or her own book, and before long, each will in turn quote themselves. Most likely half of the profs will have copies of their treatises with them with pages pre-marked. And when it all shakes out, they won't have a better context than an average guy like me.

Sacksonville Should Prepare For the Worst; Hope For The Best

When it comes to sports, I'm more of a realist than a pessimist. There's a difference, but both philosophies point to the distinct possibility that Jacksonville will not be in the Super Bowl next year. When you finish second in the AFC only to Tom Brady (who has to retire eventually), you might think it makes you a shoe-in for next year. And that could very well be, but there's no guaranty, and it's certainly harder to make this whole Sacksonville thing into any kind of a dynasty. That's I was sad to see the team lose.

So DJ Easy E Made Up Duuuval Chant, But Did He Make Up His Name?

It's pretty bold to claim you coined a phrase, especially one that has suddenly become more popular because the Jags have figured out how to win some games. I'm not sure how many people would reach out to the local news in order to take credit for taking something others were already saying, but that's cool. I'll go ahead and take credit for 9-ohhh-fohhhhh right now.

The Official Sponsor of Jax

Is a city having a sponsor a thing? You know, like Everbank Field, only a whole city rather than a measly stadium. Actually, is there a real bank named Everbank? That's embarrassing to ask, but I've never seen an Everbank in any of the local mini-malls littered with 5/3s (how weird is that name?). But this article is not about the existence of Everbank as an actual bank or Fifth Third as an actual fraction. It's about whether or not JAX or Jacksonville has an official sponsor. Can a city have an official sponsor? And if not, can I just say New Jax Witty is the official sponsor?

Florida LCMS Churches: Read This

Example of an abandoned website

If you're a member of a Florida LCMS church, you'll want to check yourself out on this list. It's basically a free website evaluation of every LCMS church in the state. Some churches that belong to the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod in Florida do a good job when it comes to websites, and this article recognizes those efforts. Many more churches could use at least some help, but it's often something they can do on their own. Still others either lack a website completely or have let their old website get really, really old.

Top Ten Unexpected Costs of Living in Jacksonville, Florida

When you move to a brand new community, you will have unexpected expenses that are generally hidden from your accounting. While there may be some savings you've missed, the costs are the ones that annoy you. The online cost of living calculators can give you an idea of the disparities, but there are minor differences in living that will cost something that you will not be prepared for until you make the move. Here's my Top 10 for Jax (yours may differ). Also, these are in no particular order because that would be too much work.

Takeaways From Recent Power Posts

I read two very long articles recently about power in Florida, and it gave me a better understanding of the state of the state, though I'm still a bit concerned about whether it means anything to me or JEA. One article was specifically about Florida and the other was about the nation, but both make a difference for us in the Sunshine State.

Check Jacksonville GIS To See If You Live In A Regulation or Hazard Zone

COJ's GIS has all kinds of incomprehensible new features in its new Civil Planning Map. I'll focus on only a few right now, since I'm sure they might be related in some way. At least they are all in the same "Government" layer: CIV School Regulation Zone, MI School Regulation Zones, Civilian Height and Hazard Zones, and Military Height and Hazard Zones. What are they? Beats me, but I live in several, so it would be nice if I did know.

Magnolia Grove Subdivision Jax: What You Need To Know

Welcome home to the new Magnolia Grove subdivision on McCormick and Kernan in Jacksonville. KB Home has begun marketing the subdivision, which is right in my neck of the woods. Actually, the woods were torn down to make way for the houses, but it's right over there. So what do you need to know and ask before tossing your hard-earned money at one of these new homes?